Sam cannot of course, see Gabriel in his full power. He asks only once, what it is like, what are the differences. But Gabriel turns away and only says, 'I do not remember.' It takes Sam days of coaxing before he will touch Sam again, fall a little farther. There are clues everywhere that this is what he is doing, that this is what Sam does to him. But Sam cannot, will not, give up what he has found though he knows it is selfish.
Gabriel is light and life. He laughs when all is not well, when all of Hell and all of Heaven have bent their forces towards their little band. He jokes when Sam can only see darkness and smiles in the face of Sam's weaknesses. He often comments that Sam is the most human of them all. Sam wonders if this is true, because as he watches Dean grow farther and farther from him, sunk into responsibility and burdened with knowing death most intimately, he thinks he knows what Gabriel is saying is no joke.
Sam watches his brother lean towards Castiel, like a plant to sun. He watches Castiel, the way that he knows Dean, better even than Sam sometimes. But they will do nothing and Dean frowns at Gabriel's arm around Sam's shoulders. He will drag Castiel no further downward, Sam knows that Dean already bears the guilt of all Castiel's pain. Sam sometimes wishes he had his brother's strength.
But he doesn't. He aches for Gabriel's touch like any addict. Sam can still remember the taste of demon blood, he can feel the power in his veins. But when Gabriel touches him, when Gabriel laughs and his attention is filled with only Sam, he can forget for a little while what it felt like. So he ignores the signs and pushes away the guilt.
But sometimes, and oh how painful it is, Sam can see Gabriel. Really see him. In battle, it is clear who and what he is. But the worst of it is that in the twist and turn of Gabriel's words there will come out a word or two, sometimes a phrase, something small but imbued with power. Sam can see the glorious messenger, he can almost feel the way that the word of God must have tasted on his tongue.
In Ancient Glory
Gabriel is light and life. He laughs when all is not well, when all of Hell and all of Heaven have bent their forces towards their little band. He jokes when Sam can only see darkness and smiles in the face of Sam's weaknesses. He often comments that Sam is the most human of them all. Sam wonders if this is true, because as he watches Dean grow farther and farther from him, sunk into responsibility and burdened with knowing death most intimately, he thinks he knows what Gabriel is saying is no joke.
Sam watches his brother lean towards Castiel, like a plant to sun. He watches Castiel, the way that he knows Dean, better even than Sam sometimes. But they will do nothing and Dean frowns at Gabriel's arm around Sam's shoulders. He will drag Castiel no further downward, Sam knows that Dean already bears the guilt of all Castiel's pain. Sam sometimes wishes he had his brother's strength.
But he doesn't. He aches for Gabriel's touch like any addict. Sam can still remember the taste of demon blood, he can feel the power in his veins. But when Gabriel touches him, when Gabriel laughs and his attention is filled with only Sam, he can forget for a little while what it felt like. So he ignores the signs and pushes away the guilt.
But sometimes, and oh how painful it is, Sam can see Gabriel. Really see him. In battle, it is clear who and what he is. But the worst of it is that in the twist and turn of Gabriel's words there will come out a word or two, sometimes a phrase, something small but imbued with power. Sam can see the glorious messenger, he can almost feel the way that the word of God must have tasted on his tongue.
Sam can see his Archangel, a little damaged.
And he knows why this is.