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comment_fic2010-06-25 01:04 pm
tigriswolf) wrote in comment_fic2010-06-25 01:04 pm
free-for-all Friday
It's 1pm where I am, so I hope I'm not stepping out of line by making this post.
Today is Free-For-All Friday, so post any prompts you want. However, please remember the following:
* No more than three promtps from one fandom
* No more than five prompts at a time
* No spoilers until a week after airdate/publication
* If your prompt is answered you can leave another
* If you include spoilers in a fic please warn in bold and leave at least three rows of spoiler-space.
Use the following format:
Angel the Series/Leverage, Lindsey&Eliot, I know your scars like they were my own
NCIS, Gibbs/Tony, Tony vanishes after being fired for refusing the La Grenouille case; Gibbs comes back to help track him down
no subject
(Because I might as well round out the cracky trifecta)
No fic,
Also, I am in awe of anyone who writes for Jon Stewart! So get going, writers ;P
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(I still have my eye on deancastiel for your music & burgers thing, btw; I haven't missed it, have I?)
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And I'm sure I'll like it! It's Sammy and D/C. I think that's everyone in fandom's weakness actually: Sam POV on D/C.
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Just sayin'.
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:)
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(1/2) Schmapocalypse Now, Dean/Castiel, PG-13
----
Castiel’s popping in and out of places without regard to physics and common sense had been bound to get him into trouble some day. Humans were a curious species by nature. Americans were a nosy culture by practice. So it was that one day Castiel popped into a diner in Minnesota to meet Sam and Dean at the very same time as a lanky black man was being filmed asking the diner’s patrons if they had their birth certificates on them. Castiel was about to become an instant YouTube sensation.
The man who had moments before been politely thanking Minnesotans for telling him where to go back to introduced himself as Wyatt. Castiel liked him, could sense purpose in him, and so when Wyatt asked “How did you do that?” Castiel said, “I am an Angel of the Lord.”
It was hard to argue with the film.
Sam and Dean tried to run interference, tried to downplay their crazy friend as just a run of the mill crazy, but since ending the Apocalypse, Castiel had somehow become an even worse liar. Wyatt and his producer were intrigued, to say the least. They had three guys with some pretty amazing stories about the Apocalypse and one of them had literally appeared out of thin air. It was enough to get them discussing a trip back to New York, but the producer had her doubts.
And then, of course, Castiel whipped out his wings.
“Here? Really?” Dean had said. He didn’t like to share.
The wings were enough. The producer invited Castiel to New York. Sam insisted on going. He had some puns regarding Afghanistan he had been working on that he wanted to share with the writers. Dean had insisted on not going but one look from Castiel did him in. Inevitably, the worst part was choosing whether between flying in a tin can of fear or flying AngelAirways with its strict no restroom policy.
Castiel was surprisingly blasé about the whole thing.
“You realize you’re going on TV, right? Outing yourself as an angel in front of millions of insomniac stoners who will probably think you’re Jesus.”
Castiel’s brow furrowed. “I am not Joshua. I will explain that.”
Sam and Dean exchanged matching how-fucked-are-we? faces. On set, makeup artists powdered Castiel’s forehead and someone from wardrobe asked if he would mind taking off his trench coat.
“I would mind, yes.”
The wardrobe assistant had bowed slightly and disappeared. Dean kept his eye on her as he was naturally suspicious of anyone who expressed an interest in undressing Castiel. In the green room a producer went over some of the possible questions the host, Jon Stewart, might ask. Castiel nodded at some, tilted his head at others, and asked Dean what teabagging was after one particular question. The free beer provided did not feel as good coming out of Dean’s nose as it had felt going down.
“He doesn’t follow politics,” Sam said.
“So no Joe Biden jokes?”
“No Joe Biden jokes,” Sam said. “But I’ve got a few—“
“Sam,” Dean interrupted. Then to the producer said, “Just stick to life, the universe, and everything.”
From the green room, they watched the show unfold. The green room was much better than the Beautiful Room. Sam had baby carrots to snack on and Dean had free beer to get drunk on. The only thing that could have made it better was porn. But the television was tuned to the show. Ahead of Castiel’s interview they ran a segment about the Apocalypse called “Apocalypse? Schmapocalypse!” Sam noted it wasn’t their finest pun. In the segment Stewart ran through the some of the more cataclysmic events tied to Lucifer’s return but pointed out that these were no Acts of God and that no Act of God had intervened. That it was the actions of a few men who prevented the End of All Things. “And, not surprisingly, none of those men were in Washington, DC.”
(2/2) Schmapocalypse Now, Dean/Castiel, PG-13
Another producer popped in and shepherded Castiel out. The next thing Sam and Dean knew they were watching Castiel, still in his trench coat, still with his tie pulled loose, on television. Sitting across from Jon Stewart. They had stopped the Apocalypse, but Dean thought this might be a whole different kind of catastrophe.
“Welcome back ladies and gentleman!” Stewart turned to sternly point his pen at a camera. He said, “Heathens, change the channel now. I’m serious. Because tonight we have an Angel of the Lord joining us. He was instrumental in turning that Apocalypse into a Schmapocalypse, please join me in welcoming Castiel!”
Castiel nodded at Stewart, then the audience. The clapping went on for a while. Had Castiel’s name been easier to pronounce, Sam was sure there would have been chanting. All Dean could hear in the audience were the far too frequent I-love-yous and proposals of marriage.
Stewart said, “So. God really exists?”
“He does.”
“And He’s a He?”
“Yes.”
Dean opened another beer. This was going to be seven minutes of Hell. The system had failed. Somehow Sam and Dean had neglected to mention that Castiel was not one for elaboration.
“How screwed am I?” Stewart asked.
“Only the truly evil are saved a place in Hell. You are not evil.”
“Well, thank you,” Stewart said, playing bashful. “You’re not so bad yourself.”
Castiel tilted his head. Stewart was not deterred. He had never interviewed Sarah Palin, but that had to be much, much worse. At least the angel answered in complete sentences and did not seem to have any notes written on his hand.
“So God’s real. He’s a man. And He’s Christian. Good day to be Rick Warren,” Stewart said.
“God is real, but He is but one God. The God of Christianity, Judaism, and Islam. The gods of other faiths exist, as well.”
Stewart’s eyebrows went up at that. “That’s actually quite reassuring,” he said.
Dean scoffed. He already had to deal with the fallout from one tradition’s Apocalypse. He was not looking forward to dealing with the other faiths’ end of days, too.
“Going back a bit, to Hell. You said only the truly evil go to Hell. But the Bible lays out a whole bunch of evil things that could get me sent to hell. Wearing wool and cotton together. Shaving. I mean, I look terrible with a beard.”
“The Bible gets many things wrong. Some major, some minor. Those you mentioned included.”
Stewart nodded. “What about homosexuality? Is gay marriage an affront to God?”
Sam stopped eating his baby carrots. Dean kept drinking. Dean drank even more when he saw Sam staring at him out of the corner of his eye.
“No,” Castiel said. “You humans have constructed many social mores to better control each other and ascribed their purpose to God. And in your efforts to demean and ostracize, you’ve only strayed farther from God’s intent. God created humans to love indiscriminately.”
“Kind of hard to argue with an angel,” Stewart said. “What about you guys? How do you fit in?”
Except Castiel did not make the metaphorical jump from love to the grand scheme of things. He said, “We also love indiscriminately. I am what you would likely consider a gay man.”
Sam beat Dean’s back, trying to help him get the alcohol out of his lungs.
“Though as an angel I have no human form, I do occupy this body while on here on Earth.”
Stewart was, to say the least, surprised. He lapsed into celebrity mode. “Oh, well, are you seeing anyone?”
“I am. His name is Dean,” Castiel said. “And I would like to get gay married to him.”
Dean and his coughing fit were on their own because Sam was too busy laughing to help his brother. Sam didn’t stop laughing for hours. He laughed the entire car ride to wherever Dean was racing their little rental car. Sam stopped laughing when they crossed the Massachusetts state line and Dean stopped at a little Unitarian church in Springfield.
Re: (2/2) Schmapocalypse Now, Dean/Castiel, PG-13
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Re: (2/2) Schmapocalypse Now, Dean/Castiel, PG-13
That's the best line ever. I fangirl you so hard <3
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Re: (2/2) Schmapocalypse Now, Dean/Castiel, PG-13
AWWWWW, Dean drove straight to a church! Dean/Cas forever, seriously.
I love this - Cas pops into a streeter! Sam and Dean fail to baffle Wyatt & co.'s bullshit detector! Sam wants to impress the writers (well of course he does, he's Sam)! Jealous!Dean is jealous!
...I'm going to stop now before I end up recapping the whole thing. But love. And I didn't think it was too preachy at all - Cas sounded very Cas.
(also, did I see a stealth Colbert joke in Sam eating baby carrots?)
Re: (2/2) Schmapocalypse Now, Dean/Castiel, PG-13
I'm so glad you liked it! I am but a mere plebeian who bows to the glory that is Jon and the Daily Show crew. And baby carrots are totally turning Sam gay.
And I'm glad it didn't sound too preachy. I can, er, wear my politics on my sleeve sometimes. But I figure certain themes fellow slashers and TDS watchers are probably in agreement on.
Re: (2/2) Schmapocalypse Now, Dean/Castiel, PG-13
Yeah, I don't think you'll get a lot of argument on those points from either of those groups...
Yay stealth Colbert joke!
Re: (2/2) Schmapocalypse Now, Dean/Castiel, PG-13
NOW I WANT JON STEWART TO INTERVIEW TEAM FREE WILL FOR REAL. CAN YOU IMAGINE HOW MUCH EPIC WOULD COME OUT OF IT?
And I would like to get gay married to him.
Bless you, Cas :') BEST LINE EVER.
Re: (2/2) Schmapocalypse Now, Dean/Castiel, PG-13
And HA! I think we know what we should add to our list of demands for season six. I mean, if they can harass us with Paris Hilton, they can make it up to us with Jon Stewart, amirite?
I'm so glad you liked it, thank you!
Re: (2/2) Schmapocalypse Now, Dean/Castiel, PG-13
he was naturally suspicious of anyone who expressed an interest in undressing Castiel
OF COURSE he was! That poor wardrobe girl never saw it coming... I'll stop now because it would be too easy to quote and rave over most of the text here...btw I'm @Doci on Twitter (long story...) - in case you wondered why a stranger was following you.