The worst feeling of Steve's life is seeing Danny's smile as Rachel slept against his shoulder.
He'd cleaned out his spare bedroom for any frightening debris Mary had left and had gone shopping for food for a small girl. He was planning on moving Danny in as soon as the hospital released him and finally saying everything he had been trying not to since he met him.
But then Rachel had come back and smiled and announced her imminent divorce and Steve had smiled and destroyed his spare room and then locked it all up and threw away the key.
So he watched Danny get happy, watched him see Grace every day and tried to be happy for him. But it's hard to grieve for something that you never really had in the first place, because their friendship barely changed, bar a slightly lower level of day to day aggravation in Danny.
Steve could never quite let it go, never completely remove the faint spike of hope in his gut whenever Danny came into work grumpy and it never got easier not to hate Rachel, to hate her for being the one Danny wanted, for waltzing back into his life and having Danny's complete attention.
Steve never got happy, he caught Wo Fat and chased the Yakuza almost entirely out of Oahu and solved more high profile crimes that one can poke a stick at. But at home, at night, he touched himself with Danny in his mind, imagining his big blunt hands on him and Danny saying words that he knew he would never hear in the daylight.
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He'd cleaned out his spare bedroom for any frightening debris Mary had left and had gone shopping for food for a small girl. He was planning on moving Danny in as soon as the hospital released him and finally saying everything he had been trying not to since he met him.
But then Rachel had come back and smiled and announced her imminent divorce and Steve had smiled and destroyed his spare room and then locked it all up and threw away the key.
So he watched Danny get happy, watched him see Grace every day and tried to be happy for him. But it's hard to grieve for something that you never really had in the first place, because their friendship barely changed, bar a slightly lower level of day to day aggravation in Danny.
Steve could never quite let it go, never completely remove the faint spike of hope in his gut whenever Danny came into work grumpy and it never got easier not to hate Rachel, to hate her for being the one Danny wanted, for waltzing back into his life and having Danny's complete attention.
Steve never got happy, he caught Wo Fat and chased the Yakuza almost entirely out of Oahu and solved more high profile crimes that one can poke a stick at. But at home, at night, he touched himself with Danny in his mind, imagining his big blunt hands on him and Danny saying words that he knew he would never hear in the daylight.