The first time I fell I was full with love. I fell from Heaven, filled with the love of those to whom I believed I would bring light. When I fell I thought of those who came before me. Soldiers in the war against darkness. I thought that my sacrifice would have meaning. I was wrong.
Cast away, far from Grace, I was arrogant enough to believe that they would be grateful. That those I brought into the light would thank me for my efforts. But all too often they were content to continue to walk in the darkness. The human condition hurt me. Wounded me. I knew uncertainty, fear, doubt….HATRED for the first time. The rush of emotions threatened to overwhelm me.
I didn’t know that the biggest threat to a warrior was that which humanity most treasured. Individuality was unknown to me prior to my arrival on this plane. Before I came here all I knew was love. Now however, I am filled with feelings of rage and despair. Emotions have become the tidal wave which threatens to overwhelm me. It is manifestly unfair to inflict these emotions on an Angel. We hurt from the Absence of Grace. It is the first thing we know apart from pleasure and devotion.
After what happened with Michael, the feelings which consumed me would not allow the sacrifices to be forgotten. It was then that I decided to fall again. To give up my wings, to make the story heard. It was Amitiel….no, it was Jade, who made me realise that intentions were secondary to action. It was she who pointed out that the fear and hate weakened Us even as it strengthened Them.
And so it was, that the second time I fell I was filled with hate.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2010-09-24 02:45 pm (UTC)Cast away, far from Grace, I was arrogant enough to believe that they would be grateful. That those I brought into the light would thank me for my efforts. But all too often they were content to continue to walk in the darkness. The human condition hurt me. Wounded me. I knew uncertainty, fear, doubt….HATRED for the first time. The rush of emotions threatened to overwhelm me.
I didn’t know that the biggest threat to a warrior was that which humanity most treasured. Individuality was unknown to me prior to my arrival on this plane. Before I came here all I knew was love. Now however, I am filled with feelings of rage and despair. Emotions have become the tidal wave which threatens to overwhelm me. It is manifestly unfair to inflict these emotions on an Angel. We hurt from the Absence of Grace. It is the first thing we know apart from pleasure and devotion.
After what happened with Michael, the feelings which consumed me would not allow the sacrifices to be forgotten. It was then that I decided to fall again. To give up my wings, to make the story heard. It was Amitiel….no, it was Jade, who made me realise that intentions were secondary to action. It was she who pointed out that the fear and hate weakened Us even as it strengthened Them.
And so it was, that the second time I fell I was filled with hate.