They think he avoids the circus out of some PTSD thing. That it was all bad memories and betrayal. He doesn't bother correcting them, sometimes it's easier to maintain a lie then explain the truth. The circus was his first moment of freedom, of strength. They put a bow in his hands and made him a star. Sure it all went wrong later, but those first memories, the beginning was pure.
He doesn't go every time the circus is in town. There's such a thing as too much and he doesn't want to spoil his memories. But sometimes, the weight on his shoulders gets too heavy and he can't handle the man he's become.
On those days he sneaks away from the mansion, leaving behind any way for him to be tracked, making his way on foot to the subway and from there hopping through the city until he reaches the empty lot the circus has set itself up in. The name at the entrance is never the same twice but past that it's the same exact thing, barely changed from when he was a kid.
He's had to make himself jaded to get through his life, surprise could mean life or death but right now he lets himself marvel at the tent and lights and smells. He bites his lip in excitement before stepping up to the ticket window. Once he would have just snuck in, but he feels some kind of debt to these people so he'll help support them a little longer. Once past the gates, the old thrill hits him even harder and it's all he can do to not laugh in sheer joy.
It's a little dirtier then he remembers, a little emptier, a little sadder but it doesn't matter, his own memories are enough to fill in the gaps, to make it shine like everything does to a kid's eyes. Underneath the grunge it's all the same and he can just be Clint, the kid who never had a chance at being a kid.
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timeasmymeasure
Fill
Date: 2012-07-30 04:32 am (UTC)He doesn't go every time the circus is in town. There's such a thing as too much and he doesn't want to spoil his memories. But sometimes, the weight on his shoulders gets too heavy and he can't handle the man he's become.
On those days he sneaks away from the mansion, leaving behind any way for him to be tracked, making his way on foot to the subway and from there hopping through the city until he reaches the empty lot the circus has set itself up in. The name at the entrance is never the same twice but past that it's the same exact thing, barely changed from when he was a kid.
He's had to make himself jaded to get through his life, surprise could mean life or death but right now he lets himself marvel at the tent and lights and smells. He bites his lip in excitement before stepping up to the ticket window. Once he would have just snuck in, but he feels some kind of debt to these people so he'll help support them a little longer. Once past the gates, the old thrill hits him even harder and it's all he can do to not laugh in sheer joy.
It's a little dirtier then he remembers, a little emptier, a little sadder but it doesn't matter, his own memories are enough to fill in the gaps, to make it shine like everything does to a kid's eyes. Underneath the grunge it's all the same and he can just be Clint, the kid who never had a chance at being a kid.