He's fifteen when he kisses Dick. Roy got him drunk, snuck him three beers, and Dick swears he'll kill Roy for it, but he doesn't push Jason away when he reaches for him.
"Little wing," Dick says. It's late, and everyone else in the tower is asleep, and Jason stumbled into Dick's room and woke him up saying he wanted to talk when really he just wants –
Anything. All these other people around him, but they're all Dick's friends, even Roy, who probably would've let Jason suck him off, would've –
"Just," Jason says. He knows Dick's getting ready to say no, that he's too young or some bullshit like that, when that's never been a problem before for – anyone else. "Please?" Jason says.
Dick looks at him for a long time, but eventually he pulls back the sheets, says, "Okay," and Jason crawls under them. Dick says, "Just this once, all right?" and he tugs Jason in and kisses him soft and easy and it's not all that Jason wants, not by far, but it's some of it.
ii.
He's been back from the dead for a year when he shows up at the manor. He's high on three days without sleep, covered in someone else's blood, and Bruce – not Batman – pulls him in through the window.
He's shivering under his leather jacket and armor. All he can smell is blood, until Bruce pulls him close and then he can smell that aftershave, the soap that's only down in the cave that means Bruce is already back for the night.
"Talk to me," Bruce says. Jason shakes his head, buries his face in Bruce's shoulder – Jason is so much taller than he used to be; used to be he'd have to practically climb Bruce to get this close to eye level –
"Jason, please," Bruce says. He runs his fingers through Jason's hair, and despite everything he's so gentle, so calm, and Jason doesn't want –
Doesn't want Bruce, right now, he wants Batman, wants someone to fuck him up, throw him on the bed and hurt him until he feels something. He digs his nails into Bruce's arms, bites Bruce's shoulder, pushes against him and says, "Please," even, and he never used to say that, never used to do anything but take - and Bruce just kisses the top of his head, holds him tighter, but Jason's still shaking because –
Because Bruce isn't his anymore, and neither is Batman. Maybe neither of them ever were.
iii.
For a minute with them, Jason feels like maybe he's home. Roy and Kori follow him to Gotham, follow him across the world to stupidly dangerous places, and he thinks – maybe – he belongs.
They're Dick's old friends, yeah. There's always that shadow over them, like they're wondering what Dick would do instead and maybe – maybe – Jason's wondering the same.
He knows Dick wouldn't have crawled into their bed at the first offer, that he wouldn't have offered himself the way Jason has. Knows Dick wouldn't have dropped to his knees for Roy, buried his face between Kori's legs – not when they already had each other, not when –
Jason knows, after a while, it won't last, but he clings to them anyway.
iv.
Tim is different. Tim is – Jason didn't think he'd ever meet anyone needier than he is, anyone more fucking starved for attention, affection, anything at all.
The first time they throw each other around a rooftop that doesn't end in Jason pulling a knife, Jason's so hard after he doesn't know what to do with himself, and Tim is – right there with him.
"Jesus, you're fucked up," Jason says, when Tim knocks him down, gets on top of him and starts getting his jeans open.
"Are you saying you're any better?" Tim asks, and Jason's never really looked him in the eyes before now, and with the lenses in it's still hard to say if he is - but he gets his hand in Tim's hair, strokes his face, and Tim responds to it like he's been fucking dying and Jason –
Knows.
It makes him want to fuck with the kid more, makes him want to shove Tim off him and leave him bleeding, but more than that he wants –
Wants. "No, baby, I'm not," Jason says, and Tim's mouth opens and Jason has to get his thumb in there, has to get his mouth on him, and Tim moans before Jason even kisses him, says, "Jason, please -"
And Jason gives him everything he can and hopes it's enough.
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timeasmymeasure
idk idk this might be nonsense.
Date: 2015-02-14 10:44 pm (UTC)He's fifteen when he kisses Dick. Roy got him drunk, snuck him three beers, and Dick swears he'll kill Roy for it, but he doesn't push Jason away when he reaches for him.
"Little wing," Dick says. It's late, and everyone else in the tower is asleep, and Jason stumbled into Dick's room and woke him up saying he wanted to talk when really he just wants –
Anything. All these other people around him, but they're all Dick's friends, even Roy, who probably would've let Jason suck him off, would've –
"Just," Jason says. He knows Dick's getting ready to say no, that he's too young or some bullshit like that, when that's never been a problem before for – anyone else. "Please?" Jason says.
Dick looks at him for a long time, but eventually he pulls back the sheets, says, "Okay," and Jason crawls under them. Dick says, "Just this once, all right?" and he tugs Jason in and kisses him soft and easy and it's not all that Jason wants, not by far, but it's some of it.
ii.
He's been back from the dead for a year when he shows up at the manor. He's high on three days without sleep, covered in someone else's blood, and Bruce – not Batman – pulls him in through the window.
He's shivering under his leather jacket and armor. All he can smell is blood, until Bruce pulls him close and then he can smell that aftershave, the soap that's only down in the cave that means Bruce is already back for the night.
"Talk to me," Bruce says. Jason shakes his head, buries his face in Bruce's shoulder – Jason is so much taller than he used to be; used to be he'd have to practically climb Bruce to get this close to eye level –
"Jason, please," Bruce says. He runs his fingers through Jason's hair, and despite everything he's so gentle, so calm, and Jason doesn't want –
Doesn't want Bruce, right now, he wants Batman, wants someone to fuck him up, throw him on the bed and hurt him until he feels something. He digs his nails into Bruce's arms, bites Bruce's shoulder, pushes against him and says, "Please," even, and he never used to say that, never used to do anything but take - and Bruce just kisses the top of his head, holds him tighter, but Jason's still shaking because –
Because Bruce isn't his anymore, and neither is Batman. Maybe neither of them ever were.
iii.
For a minute with them, Jason feels like maybe he's home. Roy and Kori follow him to Gotham, follow him across the world to stupidly dangerous places, and he thinks – maybe – he belongs.
They're Dick's old friends, yeah. There's always that shadow over them, like they're wondering what Dick would do instead and maybe – maybe – Jason's wondering the same.
He knows Dick wouldn't have crawled into their bed at the first offer, that he wouldn't have offered himself the way Jason has. Knows Dick wouldn't have dropped to his knees for Roy, buried his face between Kori's legs – not when they already had each other, not when –
Jason knows, after a while, it won't last, but he clings to them anyway.
iv.
Tim is different. Tim is – Jason didn't think he'd ever meet anyone needier than he is, anyone more fucking starved for attention, affection, anything at all.
The first time they throw each other around a rooftop that doesn't end in Jason pulling a knife, Jason's so hard after he doesn't know what to do with himself, and Tim is – right there with him.
"Jesus, you're fucked up," Jason says, when Tim knocks him down, gets on top of him and starts getting his jeans open.
"Are you saying you're any better?" Tim asks, and Jason's never really looked him in the eyes before now, and with the lenses in it's still hard to say if he is - but he gets his hand in Tim's hair, strokes his face, and Tim responds to it like he's been fucking dying and Jason –
Knows.
It makes him want to fuck with the kid more, makes him want to shove Tim off him and leave him bleeding, but more than that he wants –
Wants. "No, baby, I'm not," Jason says, and Tim's mouth opens and Jason has to get his thumb in there, has to get his mouth on him, and Tim moans before Jason even kisses him, says, "Jason, please -"
And Jason gives him everything he can and hopes it's enough.