Terça-feira: Angst
Oct. 5th, 2010 09:42 am![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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comment_ficThanks for all the awesomeness yesterday! The theme for Tuesday is Angst. Bring on the heartbreak, tears, yelling/screaming, brooding, emptiness, etc.
If nothing strikes your fancy today, or you’re just in the giving mood, check out the Lonely Prompts
Remember to follow the rules:
* Only post one prompt per comment
* No more than three prompts for the same fandom.
* No more than five prompts in a row.
* If one of your prompts is filled, you can prompt again.
* No spoilers in your prompts for at least a week after the airdate or release.
* Warn for any spoilers for your fic in bold and leave at least three spaces before the text.
Prompt formatting examples:
Supernatural, Dean/Castiel, AU, Dean thought Cas was different, but as usual, he's landed himself another abusive lover
Harry Potter, Draco/Ron, Divorcing their wives didn't make their relationship any better
Doctor Who/Star Trek XI, 9 or 10 or 11, Vulcan was another planet that he couldn't save
theme=angst
If nothing strikes your fancy today, or you’re just in the giving mood, check out the Lonely Prompts
Remember to follow the rules:
* Only post one prompt per comment
* No more than three prompts for the same fandom.
* No more than five prompts in a row.
* If one of your prompts is filled, you can prompt again.
* No spoilers in your prompts for at least a week after the airdate or release.
* Warn for any spoilers for your fic in bold and leave at least three spaces before the text.
Prompt formatting examples:
Supernatural, Dean/Castiel, AU, Dean thought Cas was different, but as usual, he's landed himself another abusive lover
Harry Potter, Draco/Ron, Divorcing their wives didn't make their relationship any better
Doctor Who/Star Trek XI, 9 or 10 or 11, Vulcan was another planet that he couldn't save
theme=angst
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no subject
Date: 2010-10-05 01:44 pm (UTC)Fill
Date: 2010-10-05 02:24 pm (UTC)--
Dean’s always been a sucker for a pretty face. Male or female, tall or short, pale or dark – doesn’t matter. Give someone big, soulful eyes and a pair of pouty lips and Dean head over heels before he’s even aware he’s fallen.
Back then, it didn’t use to matter what the person was like out of bed, because Dean never bothered to stay around to find out. Ever since Sam got married to Jess (and are now expecting their first kid, Jesus Christ his brother is growing up fast), Dean’s kind of felt like maybe it’s time he hangs up his bachelorhood and settle down, too.
It always seemed like a reasonable plan, in theory, but in practice it hasn’t worked out so well. The problem is, Dean doesn’t know how to meet people. All his experience in wooing has been in debatably seedy bars and no on in their right mind goes there to look for a relationship.
Dean’s had his fair share of bad lovers; girls who have screamed and hit him, boys who have screamed and hit him, girls who have cheated on him, boys who’ve been cheating with him, girls that accuse him of raping him, boys that have raped him, girls that steal from him and a once boy who tried to stab him. He regrets most of them, yeah, but he’s moved on.
Which is why when Dean meets Castiel, he’s relieved. Castiel is so painfully normal (if you overlook the fact he’s got a weird, religious name) and he’s everything Dean could ever ask for, really. He’s smart and sarcastic and he knows what he wants to do with his life and he’s not nearly as co-dependent as Dean is. He’s virginal and shy and sometimes he looks at Dean like Dean is the sun and the stars in the sky, and it makes Dean’s heart beat so loudly in his chest he’s sure they can hear it in neighboring states.
It’s why it hurts so Goddamn much when Castiel turns out to be no different than any of the others Dean has let into his bed, into his heart. He doesn’t hit, doesn’t need to, not when he can curl his hand so tightly around Dean’s bicep it leaves a bruising mark for days. He’s possessive and bossy, though, and he’s the only person Dean has ever met who can literally rip his heart out with just a few words.
And the worst part is, Dean knows he doesn’t have to put up with this. He knows he doesn’t have to let Castiel manhandle him to their bed, biting and scratching until Dean gives in and gives him what he wants. He knows he doesn’t have to sit idly by when Castiel threatens him, demeans him, infantilizes him.
He does it anyway, though, because Dean is a glutton for punishment, and he’s pretty much decided being saddled with a jerk is his lot in life. Castiel is better than some of the others have been, Dean’s not actively scared for his life with Castiel, not like he was with Luc or Gordon or Anna. Besides, it’s not like Castiel is like it all of the time, just occasionally, when Dean is being difficult or Castiel’s family is anyway involved.
And Dean knows he’s probably making a huge mistake when he doesn’t kick Castiel out on the streets, but he knows Sam and Jess and his mom love Castiel like a brother and son, and he doesn’t want to worry and upset them.
There’s more to it than just that, of course, but Dean’s not sure he’s ever going to be comfortable mentioning that he’s kind of, sort of in love with Castiel, despite all his faults. He has no doubts Castiel won’t demand it of him one day, but Dean can’t bring himself to be worried about it when Castiel is curled in his arms and smiling sleepily because Castiel is beautiful when he’s like this, sweet and open and it makes Dean’s heart hurt so much to think that anything he says could set him off into a punishing rage.
And Dean knows he hurts Castiel – not in the same ways that Castiel hurts Dean, never in the same ways – and Dean knows Castiel wants him to push him away, he can see how broken the smaller male is but Dean’s always had this inherent need to fix people and he refuses to give up on Castiel, even now.
Re: Fill
From:Re: Fill
From:Re: Fill
From:no subject
Date: 2010-10-05 01:45 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-05 01:45 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-05 01:48 pm (UTC)Fill
Date: 2010-10-05 02:24 pm (UTC)Sam figured it had to do with his last relationship, thinking that Gabriel would suddenly fix himself. Jessica had been just as frustrating until they had finally gotten together. Except, this time, this time it didn’t click, there was happiness outside the bedroom but he started seeing it less and less. In fact this morning Gabriel had even forgotten to return the favor. Sam was sure a wrench of pain sky-rocketed through his chest every time he thought of the man who had stolen his heart. It wasn’t anything like he expected. They bickered like an old married couple but without any of the fondness tinting the words. Their arguments were the most spontaneous and filled hours of the day, and started from simple things that meant nothing.
Gabriel would throw barb after barb until Sam felt like pulling his hair out in frustration. The Archangel was passionate but for all his good qualities there seemed to be ten other bad qualities to deal with. Gabriel would then turn around and kiss Sam and the hunter would hate himself a bit more for falling for the angel harder, if that was possible.
Re: Fill
From:no subject
Date: 2010-10-05 01:50 pm (UTC)the wind walks through them
Date: 2010-10-17 07:26 am (UTC)Oh, there were differences: there wasn’t a sound as the planet crumpled like paper and died. He couldn’t quite hear them screaming inside his head, battering at the inside of his skull. But they were there anyway. Another proud, old race devoured before their time, planet and all.
There were survivors, he told himself. Those offworld, a few elders. Their race could rebuild, given time. Their race wasn’t gone, wasn’t dead.
And oh, he hated the sheer savage brief and howling bitterness that they did not know loss, they were not truly alone, what did their grief matter when his would consume-
Alone enough, he reminded himself. Another failure of his. Another dead planet. His suffering didn’t lessen theirs.
He closed his eyes, weary. Never again. Hadn’t he promised? Never again.
There was a ship hanging in the air across the hole that had been a planet. He stared at it, blankly, wondering if he dared say something, send some message of apology or understanding or sympathy. Their planet was gone – he knew the pain of this kind of loss better than anyone.
Gallifrey screamed and burned and died behind his eyes.
He threw the TARDIS forward into the Vortex. Once a coward, always a coward.
He was just too good at running away.
Re: the wind walks through them
From:no subject
Date: 2010-10-05 01:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-05 01:52 pm (UTC)you're laughin', but you're cryin'
God, I know that trick too well
no subject
Date: 2010-10-05 01:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-05 03:25 pm (UTC)Knocking back a few drinks in rapid succession, he let himself weave and stumble a little more than was necessary, focusing in on an Orion girl who thankfully wasn't Gaia. He didn't need any interruptions, had chosen the bar because it was seedy and out of the way, not likely to be on a cadet's list of approved establishments to frequent although he had been here quite a few times.
He awoke with bright sunlight in his eyes, the girl he had gone home with curled against his frame. Feeling like he was going to be sick, with a practiced gesture, he smoothly pulled out from under her and rolled off the bed without waking her. It wasn't the booze that was making him sick- he didn't drink enough for that, but the sight of the naked girl in the bed and smell of sex that permeated his nostrils.
Part one of the mission was a success. All he had to do now was show up in class, his first class of the day which luckily he shared with Bones. He wouldn't have to say anything. Bones would look at him, would know and they would be done. That is what made him so sick. He didn't want it to be done. The only relationship he had ever had that meant anything to him, the only person that he knew loved him for him and he ruined it. He didn't have a choice. When it came to things he was passionate about, he always did what he felt was the right thing, no matter what it cost him. There were times he hated himself.
He caught Uhura's deadly glare as he slunk into the classroom. He winced as he heard Gaia sniff loudly as he passed and took his seat next to Bones. He glanced over and grunted a 'hi', before studiously focusing on the instructor, not wanting to see the hurt on Bones face when realization sunk in. He didn't have to wait long before he felt the air move as Bones quickly grabbed his PADD and left the classroom, mumbling something about a medical emergency in the cadet clinic to the professor.
He wanted to follow, but kept his seat and after class headed to return to the dorm. He could shower now, get this stink off himself. He found his path blocked by two very angry cadets.
"What were you thinking?"
"Do you realize what you have done?"
He shrugged. He would have to do this sooner or later. Bones would be asking him the same thing and this would his only chance to tell the truth because he couldn't tell Bones.
"I had to. I had to break up with Bones, had to do something that would be bad enough for him not to take me back. If not, he loses his daughter."
(con)
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2010-10-05 01:54 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-01-10 10:29 am (UTC)Of course, Lorne could break the rules and probably get away with it, he wouldn’t be the only one, but he doesn’t want to risk it. The Stargate program is his life; he has nothing to fall back on.
Also, there’s David, David, who is the reason why Lorne is so keen on the repeal of DADT.
David who can talk a mile a minute about plants, who never learned even after six years that he should stay behind Lorne when they’re off world and not run towards the first plant he sees, who trains hard because he’s afraid of letting the team down.
David who is brave and stubborn and funny, who has a sunny smile which inspires Lorne to paint, and who helped Lorne cope when half of their initial team was killed in the Iratus cave.
David, who Lorne is very much in love with and who, Lorne prays, will wait for him.
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2010-10-05 01:54 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-05 01:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-05 01:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-12-13 09:34 pm (UTC)Gibbs was in the middle of the room when the shooting began, and only his quick shooting had kept him from being killed immediately. Tony was behind him and should have been able to duck behind an old forklift to safety, but he saw something his Boss hadn't.
He saw the gunman in the corner, perched on some old shipping containers behind Gibbs, who had just taken out a second assailant. His Boss' order still ringing in his ears, Tony jumped forward, returning fire even as he knocked his lover out of the bullet's path.
Things went deathly silent when Tony hit the ground. The shooting was over, the enemies dead, and Tony's last thought was how unfair it was that this was nothing like the movies. In the movies, he'd lie in his Boss' arms, watching the man he loved try desperately to stem the blood flow, and he'd have time to tell Jethro how much he loved him before he was gone.
In real life, Tony was dead when he hit the concrete. Gibbs wasn't the strong, stoic hero- he screamed when he saw Tony fall, and cradled the younger man's body to his chest sobbing until Ducky, who had been summoned when Tim and Ziva went looking for their missing colleagues and found the gruesome scene, forcibly removed the still body from his friend's arms.
Gibbs never recovered. Tony's funeral was the last time any of his friends ever saw him, although they all clung to the hope that he was sailing somewhere in the Gulf of Mexico. Gibbs planned it that way on purpose. His team had just lost one of their own. They couldn't have dealt with his death as well. He planned the suicide carefully, and just as he intended, his body was never found.
Vance tried to promote McGee to team lead, insisting the Agent was capable and exactly what NCIS needed, and was shocked when the computer expert decked him and walked out when he pointed out that NCIS had been needing an overhaul lately anyway.
McGee lived off of the royalties from his books, but he never got the image of finding Gibbs with Tony's body out of his head. Eventually he wrote it, and years later, the final story in the Tibbs series was published. In McGee's version, Tommy got to say goodbye, thanked Tibbs for always supporting him, and even told the other man he loved him. Readers debated for years whether the confession had been meant sexually or not, but Tim never told, even when the movie rights were purchased.
In heaven, Gibbs just headslapped DiNozzo for being jealous of his alter ego and smiled indulgently when the younger man strutted around for a month solid after Keanu Reeves was signed to play him in the movie. Tommy Lee Jones played Gibbs, which secretly amuses the older man, even when Tony pouts that the star isn't nearly handsome enough to play his lover.
They had a rough time of it when Gibbs joined Tony in the afterlife. Gibbs was furious with Tony for sacrificing himself to save his Boss, and Tony was angry that Gibbs had thrown away his life out of what he called, 'some warped, misguided version of Semper Fi'. But eventually they reached an understanding: Tony took the bullet because he couldn't bear the idea of life without Gibbs, and Gibbs took his own life because he couldn't stand the reality of life without Tony. They had both died for love, but at least they had ended up together.
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2010-10-05 01:58 pm (UTC)If someone said three years from now
You'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them out
Cause they're all wrong
I know better
Cause you said forever
And ever
Who knew)
Forever, 1/2
Date: 2010-12-13 10:39 pm (UTC)But now, Gibbs is back. He's still got a mustache, and Tony's not entirely sure his old lover is back to himself, but he's convinced himself he's at least got to try. He never believed Gibbs was really gone. That's why he convinced the Director to file Gibbs' request as leave instead of retirement, trading his undercover skills for his lover's job. He knew Gibbs, and no matter what anyone told him, he knew the older man would come back.
That doesn't mean he'll want Tony back. The Gibbs who casually moved all of their stuff before they got in this morning, who wanders around the office with a mustache is not the man he fell in love with. The gaps are still there, Tony sees them clear as day, and he can't help but worry that Gibbs will never fully recover.
Add on top of that the fact that Gibbs still hasn't acknowledged their former relationship in any way. Tony can handle Gibbs' silence over demoting him, but he really, really needs to know where he stands at home. Needs to know if this is still his home. Even when he moved out, he never stopped thinking of this place as home, which is why he's still living in a hotel. He's been hanging onto his hope that, when Gibbs returned, he would take him back.
Caught up in his fear, Tony hesitates on the porch. He's startled but not really surprised when Gibbs opens the front door. "Wondered if you were going to show up," the older man says, moving aside to let him in. There's no hint of apology or affection in his tone, and Tony finds himself deflating.
"I shouldn't have come-" Tony begins, rubbing the back of his neck and considering bolting.
"No, you definitely should have," Gibbs says, but his eyes are hard and his tone is demanding. He turns back into the house, and Tony follows him obediently up the stairs and into the master bedroom.
"Would you care to explain this?" Gibbs asks, pulling open the closet. Tony feels his mouth go dry as he spots a single one of his suits still hanging, Gibbs' clothes pushed far away from it.
"You don't remember?" he asks, sick with pain. Four years. They were lovers for four years and Gibbs doesn't remember? He remembers Ziva's brother, remembers McGee's computer games, and he's forgotten this?
Gibbs' eyes widen as he takes in the look on his agent's face, full of shocked agony. "I didn't..." he says, his voice trailing off, "I couldn't've... I would remember!" he says, paling. He brought Tony up here to figure out why the younger man moved out, why he left his home of three years. He put Tony's name on the title last year, for crying out loud. He's been seething since he began unpacking, furious that his lover put himself through this, on top of losing him.
But what if that isn't it? What if Tony didn't leave because Gibbs' memory was gone? What if he left because they'd had a fight beforehand? That would explain the memory loss. Gibbs was unable to deal with the idea of not having Tony in his life any more, so his mind took him back to the last time he lost the people he loved more than life itself.
"Tony, tell me how to undo this. There must be some way to make this right," he pleads. How can he fix a mistake he doesn't remember? How can he apologize when he has no idea what he did to drive the other man away.
Tony's voice is cold when he answers, "Consider it undone. All four years of it. Never happened."
"No!" Gibbs insists when the younger man turns to leave. "Tony, I don't remember. I have no idea what I did. It must have been awful, if you left me, but I honestly have no clue what happened. Please, just tell me? I'm sorry, whatever it is, and I'll do anything to fix it, but you've got to let me know what happened."
Forever, 2/2
From:Re: Forever, 2/2
From:Re: Forever, 2/2
From:Re: Forever, 2/2
From:Re: Forever, 2/2
From:no subject
Date: 2010-10-05 01:58 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-05 01:59 pm (UTC)I'm too young to be taken seriously
But I'm too old to believe all this hypocrisy
And I wonder
How long it'll take them to see my bed is made
And I wonder if I was a mistake)
no subject
Date: 2010-10-05 02:00 pm (UTC)Free as a Bird
Date: 2010-10-21 02:16 am (UTC)He just had no use for it. No use for the facade, for ties, for family.
Hell, when the Bats had cut him loose, finally, letting him know in no uncertain terms that there was no forgiving in his future, he'd returned the favor gladly, relieved to rid of the one thing keeping him from doing the job he'd set for himself. They'd have only gotten in the way, anyhow, made him second guess himself, held him back. And he... all he'd probably do for them was give them a splitting headache, and he knew it. They'd only weaken each other.
So what sense was there in getting involved? In taking shit from people that only barely tolerated him?
Finally back at his place—still cold, quiet... empty—Jason shed his gear and grabbed a beer from the fridge, popping the cap as he dropped down into his busted recliner and flipped on the TV. As expected, the usual late-night compliment of infomercials, old reruns, and religious programming was to be his evening companion until he fell asleep in the threadbare chair. He'd wake up the next afternoon with his back kinked up and breath reeking, and would shower with freezing, dirty water. And after that, if he could scrounge up the crash from his diminished funds, he'd go hit the corner diner for shit coffee and runny eggs to start a new day. Maybe go hustle some pool later, to tide himself over for a few weeks.
It was better this way. Really. Because Jason was free.
Re: Free as a Bird
From:Re: Free as a Bird
From:no subject
Date: 2010-10-05 02:00 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-06 12:00 am (UTC)Peter.
_________________
Continued here (http://wanderingfriend.livejournal.com/11554.html#cutid1) It got really long...
no subject
Date: 2010-10-05 02:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-05 02:03 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-05 03:00 pm (UTC)Dean feels bad. He shouldn't. For a long time he wanted to be the one doing the ganking. But he feels bad. They drive away and he keeps hearing Gabriel's thanks in his ears and he feels like the world doesn't make sense anymore now that there's no longer a Gabriel to make fun of it. Someone ought to be laughing at this whole fucked-up situation, and nobody is, not anymore. That makes him sadder than he'd care to think about.
CASTIEL
The loss of his brother tugs on his gut, and he wants to be sick. Gabriel was someone he never understood until he ran from Heaven himself, and when Dean fills him in on what happened, he feels bad that he never got the chance to speak to Gabriel. He would have been a powerful ally. It was a wasted opportunity. But Castiel is pragmatic, and the problem remains. They'll have to figure out how to stop the apocalypse without him. Still... what a shame.
LUCIFER
He hates this. He hates that he has to do this. He remembers Gabriel before the Fall, before he ran, as a cherished partner in crime. Together they put the metaphorical whoopie cushions on their brothers' angelic asses, sat back, and watched the fallout, laughing until they hurt with glee. Lucifer wants that back. That's the whole point. And now it's his own fault that he'll never get it. If only this didn't have to happen. If only, when he finally comes face-to-face with Michael, they can find a way to overcome.
Gabriel's death just makes him feel more tied down to his own destiny, and he sheds real tears for it.
MICHAEL
Gabriel is dead. This wasn't supposed to happen. Gabriel was supposed to be out of the picture. And if he was in the picture he was supposed to return to Heaven, to herald the end of days, herald the return of Paradise on Earth. That he could stand up and be struck down so promptly makes Michael fear. The unknown shouldn't have a role in this; Gabriel shouldn't be gone. Too much is happening that shouldn't happen. Michael's whole world is trembling. He will fight to the death to protect the few shreds of his destiny that still remain intact. Because without that destiny, who is he?
KALI
She will always love him, in a way. He was always the light to her darkness, the mind that moved faster than she could catch. He made her feel joy at the creation of the world, if for no other reason than because it was fun to poke at and watch wriggle. And any world that could make her feel the way he did had to be worth it. With Baldur, it was different. Baldur kept her impulses under control, like a lid on a boiling pot. Baldur soothed her. Loki -- Gabriel -- encouraged her, allowed her to be herself, but found a way to temper her power into something beyond destruction. There will never be another god or angel on earth that does that for her. And for that she weeps. And for that she feels her anger boil over. Someone must find her, protect her, stop her before she ends this world. This world that has caused her the pain of losing him.
SAM
He can't quite explain why, but Sam believes he's still alive.
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2010-10-05 02:05 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-05 02:05 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-05 11:37 pm (UTC)It scared her that she couldn't help her sisters fight demons and protect humanity from harm. She couldn't even talk to them, to say that she was proud of them or to whisper words of encouragement in their ears after a battle.
She could hold any of them or even hug to wipe away their falling tears. There was no way for her to help them from where she was. Unable to warn any of them of oncoming dangers that were going to test their bonds to each other.
Unable to help, forced to watch as her sisters were hurt and then nearly killed. Not able to stop them from making deals that turned to be deadly and dangerous.
It hurts and there was nothing that she could do about it.
no subject
Date: 2010-10-05 02:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-05 02:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-05 03:39 pm (UTC)Jeff quirked an eyebrow. "Says who?"
Christian shrugged again, chewing on his thumbnail. "It's just the way it is. The way I am."
"And what if I liked you just the way you are."
A snort escaped Christian. "I'd think you were lying," he whispered. "I don't... I drink too much, I smoke too much, I take stupid risks..."
Jeff growled and cut Christian off with a firm kiss. When he found out who had... He shook the thought off - now was not the time. "You're thoughtful, you're caring, you're honest, you're loyal, you're passionate. You're romantic and genuine. You're not the only one who drinks and smokes and does stupid things." He smiled and ran his finger along Christian's jaw. "And you know what else?"
Christian shook his head wordlessly.
"I love you."
A shy smile spread on Christian's face. "I don't deserve you. But I love you too."
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:Fill
Date: 2010-10-05 02:39 pm (UTC)“Where did you get that?” Sam frowns at Dean, finding the man with bruises coloring his wrist.
Dean doesn’t know if he wants to yell at Sam or just stay quiet. He can’t believe the man who put the bruises there never remembers. Maybe it’s just bad karma, for all those thoughts he has about his brother in the night, it just caught up. The hunter tries not to stare at Sam, and shakes himself from his thoughts, “Nothing, don’t worry about it.” He doesn’t think he could ever tell Sam, not even though it’s already happened at least five times since Sam’s come back to him. The bruises are worth it, just a little, because he can feel everything from Sam. His brother comes home stumbling-drunk, and his brother won’t remember a thing the next day. In the morning his eyes and smile don’t look a little more broken in the mirror, no, Dean’s just thinking too hard.