Wednesday: Crackfic!

[zekkass.livejournal.com]

Greetings! I bring a prompt for today, a rather silly one: crackfic! Be it 'randomly give everyone wings' or 'so character A is a toaster and B is the bread and they're in love' or something even sillier - I encourage creativity and invite you all to have fun. :D

Here's your reminder about the rules:

> Post no more than five prompts in a row, and don't post more than three prompts for a single fandom. If someone fills a prompt of yours, you can then prompt again.
> There's to be no spoilers in prompts until a week from air/publication dates.
> If your fill contains spoilers, then please label it clearly and leave enough spaces for people to scroll on by.

Finally, please format your prompts like so, for our beloved code monkeys.

Examples:
> Supernatural, Gabriel/Dean, everything tastes like candy - everything.
> Jeeves & Wooster, Jeeves/Bertie, Bertie spontaneously develops psychic abilities
> A Bit of Fry and Laurie, Control/Tony Murchison, Russian spies develop a love potion and use it in an attempt to distract the head of British intelligence

Please enjoy yourselves!

(tag=theme!crackfic)

Comments

[zekkass.livejournal.com]

Supernatural, Gabriel/Dean, everything tastes like candy - everything.

Fill, Sugar and Spice (and all things nice), Dean/Gabriel

[hobnailedboots.livejournal.com]

Dean's walking from the bar back to the motel - staggering, more like - and a hand claps over his mouth and yanks him back into an alleyway.

He twists away and stamps down on the feet behind him, but not before the sugary taste thickens on his tongue.

"Shut the fuck up!" says Gabriel, slamming his hand back on Dean's mouth. Dean tries what works on Sam, and licks his palm, but Gabriel doesn't even flinch.

Before he decided to kidnap him, Gabriel must have had some cotton candy or something.

Dean tries to pull away - more to satisfy his curiosity than anything else (if there's a fair nearby he and and Sam will find some excuse to check it out and clean them out at the shooting stalls) - but Gabriel's grip is tight. He feels Gabriel's hair brush his cheek as he leans in and whispers "shut up and listen."

Footsteps on stone. Quick.

"You know that shifter you were tracking?" Gabriel breathes. His breath smells of blackcurrants and chocolate, but it's not as unpleasant as it could be. "You're not as subtle as you think you are, Dean."

Dean's facing the other wall of the alley; he can't see the main street, but the shifter sure as hell'll see him. He tries to struggle, tries to move, and in response Gabriel leans in, closer, and tells him they're invisible.

"Stop moving," he adds. Dean's about to respond - I wasn't moving, dickwad - when Gabriel sticks a finger in his mouth.

It tastes of candy. The hard ones, not that chewy Hallowe'en shit, but the proper 'here, suck on this and shut up until we reach Montana' humbug things. The minty flavor glazes his mouth, and Dean can't help it; it's a reflex.

Dean sucks.

He half expects it to diminish under his tongue, but it doesn't. Dean hollows his cheeks and sucks, hard, at first more to piss Gabriel off than anything else. He tongues the tip and, now that the shapeshifter's shuffled past, fakes ecstasy. He flattens his tongue against the pad of his finger, and curls it round.

Dean realizes again that the shapeshifter is gone, that there's no reason for him to be standing backed into the archangel Gabriel, sucking on his finger like it's the nectar of the gods. Gabriel leans in still further, until his lips are brushing Dean's ear.

"Talk about hidden depths, hunter boy."

Gabriel withdraws his finger and turns Dean around so they're facing each other, faces still centimetres apart, and yeah, that isn't a gun in Gabriel's pocket.

"You taste like a candy store," says Dean. He makes no move to get away. "Sort of creepy. You know, like the Childcatcher in that weird British movie. The one with the flying car."

"You are what you eat," says Gabriel. He grins, swift and dangerous. If there's one thing Dean hates more than douchebag angels, it's people other than him thinking they can use some sort of cheesy line.

"Well," says Dean, finally pushing him away, "I guess you must eat a helluva lot of dick."

Gabriel cocks an eyebrow. "Seriously? That's what you're going for?"

"That came out wrong," Dean says, taking another step back.

"Eh. You weren't exactly inaccurate," says Gabriel, walking him into the other wall and kneeling at his feet.

~

When Dean returns the favour, it's like an X-rated version of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

[zekkass.livejournal.com]

Jeeves & Wooster, Jeeves/Bertie, Bertie spontaneously develops psychic abilities

[zekkass.livejournal.com]

A Bit of Fry and Laurie, Control/Tony Murchison, Russian spies develop a love potion and use it in an attempt to distract the head of British intelligence

[jaune-chat.livejournal.com]

Heroes, any, all powers are accompanied by comic book-style sound effects. And/or theme music.

Sylar - Bonus features

[love-evil.livejournal.com]

At first, Sylar found it rather annoying (especially when he was trying to be quiet and not wake up the neighbours), but over the years he has come to relish the sinister sound effect of him opening up a person's skull to take a peak. Some of the sound effects to his other powers still annoy him - the whoosh! of fire, the ka-pow! of a punch - but he has learned to live with them.

However, his favourite additional feature remains the theme music. When he walks down the street, when he appears out of nowhere - hell, sometimes when he's making coffee - the most bad-ass soundtrack ever starts to play. It's confused more than one victim. To date twenty-four people have told him to turn down his ipod. He always grins at them and says, "It's not me," before walking away.

The best part is that it makes people with powers so easy to find. He simply has to suppress his own theme music and follow theirs. They never suspect a thing until he's right behind them and the ticking that is the countdown to their demise starts.

[hobnailedboots.livejournal.com]

Merlin, Arthur +(/) Merlin, it's not correlation but causation: any time Merlin uses magic in a big way, the universe conspires to knock Arthur unconscious

[hobnailedboots.livejournal.com]

Merlin, Gen, bandfic: everything's your choice! Are Arthur and the Knights a typical boyband? Does the drummer always die? Is Merlin an indie musician who gets stuck in a lift with the aforementioned corporate vultures and their manager, Uther? Is Morgana a hot lesbian diva? (Yes.) Can we work the Eurovision song contest in somehow?

Douze Points

[camshaft22.livejournal.com]

Merlin frowned at his temporary bandmates. He, again, cursed the day he had gone to his record label and found out that he had unwittingly signed up to do Eurovision with Uther's pet projects. First was Arthur, an utter prat who was once apart of some boyband called the Knights of Camelot, but left them to 'Be his own man' and pretend he was sex on two legs. (Arthur, however, was NOT)His only saving grace was that he was amazingly talented.

Then there was Gwen. She was a soul singer and frankly far too talented for this but she was loyal to Uther. He had apparently saved her from a worse sort of manager. Merlin did have to admit he was a decent chap. Even if he did extort him to be apart of this. The duet between her and Arthur was pretty magic, their styles mixing well.

And last, but not least, there was Pop Princess Morgana, who from the looks of things was not only a diva but a lesbian. Which suited him fine. She was uber talented and that had nothing to do with anything anyway. Although the Diva thing did get on his last frayed nerve.

For an Irish Folk singer, this was fantastic exposure. But he'd rather go back and be a sheep herder than do Eurovision again. His costume wasn't Irish! It was some drunk person's delusion of Ireland! The Highlanders didn't have sequins!

Sequins.

They were out to ruin him personally.

Why were they still winning?! If they got douze points again, he was going to be a hermit.

[hobnailedboots.livejournal.com]

Friends, Any, zombies.

Friends. Phoebe & Ensemble: Phoebe Buffay, Zombie Hunter.

[leni-ba.livejournal.com]

http://kitteninthedark.livejournal.com/208547.html

[hobnailedboots.livejournal.com]

The Thick of It, Malcolm Tucker, Malcolm Tucker is a wizard.

[hobnailedboots.livejournal.com]

Harry Potter, Any, all these puppets are really rather annoying. Those, coupled with the mysterious ticking noise, are working to drive Snape insane.

[sycophantastic.livejournal.com]

Hawaii Five-0, Steve/Danny, body swap

[mithrel.livejournal.com]

Oh, this one is mine!

[(Anonymous)]

Boondock Saints/SPN, Any, flying toilets

[(Anonymous)]

Leverage, Parker or Hardison (or both :D), genderswap

[sycophantastic.livejournal.com]

Merlin, Arthur/Merlin + any, Arthur is cursed with constant dishonesty

Fill, 1/2, Opposite Day, Arthur/Merlin

[hobnailedboots.livejournal.com]

I changed this a bit so instead of 'dishonesty' he says the opposite of what he intends to say. I hope that's all right!

~

"You know, Merlin," said Arthur, "You really are the most competent servant I have ever come across."

"Thank you," said Merlin, and tripped over a root.

"I mean that!" shouted Arthur.

This, thought Merlin, had so much potential. Oh, he'd probably take pity on Arthur and reverse the curse eventually, pretend it wore off instead, but it was a couple of hours' walk back to the horses, and half a day's ride back to the castle.

~

"Today has been such a fantastic day," Arthur said, looking for all the world as though someone had put an arrow through his favourite hunting dog.

Merlin laughed. "I'm really enjoying this, sire," he said. "I'm sure it will wear off soon, though."

"Do tell me more, Merlin. Please, I implore you, keep speaking your words of wisdom."

"Okay," said Merlin. "Do you want to hear what Gaius told me today about mould?"

"Yes please, Merlin. It sounds fascinating. I really can think of nothing better than to--"

"Good. Because he says that certain types of mould can be used to treat--"

"Sometimes I love you, Merlin."

"I'm flattered, sire."

Arthur made a concerted effort to shut up until they reached the horses, but then lunchtime came around.

"Oh, thank you, Merlin! I just hate salted beef; I'm so glad you packed some raw carrots instead. People say kings shouldn't eat the same food as pigs and rabbits, but I disagree."

"Glad to hear it."

They found a hillock above where the horses were tethered, and sat down to eat. Merlin ignored Arthur's protestations that he would far rather be sitting in a swamp.

"I have bread, too," Merlin said.

"No thanks," said Arthur, holding out his hand.

Merlin held his gaze, and Arthur smiled somewhat reluctantly, before taking the half-loaf and tearing off a chunk.

"Try saying the opposite of what you want to say," said Merlin. "That might work."

Arthur chewed thoughtfully. "Don't...be ridiculous, Merlin?"

"See? I do come up with good ideas sometimes, don't I?"

"No," said Arthur, and grinned.

Merlin lifted the curse when they could see Camelot through the trees, but the shock of it jolted Arthur out of the saddle and onto the ground. His horse startled and bolted. Merlin could have caught it with magic, but unfortunately this time Arthur seemed to have remained conscious.

"On you get, then," he said.

"Yes please," said Arthur. "In fact, why don't I walk and you ride ahead?"

"It wore off, Arthur."

"Oh. Good," he said, standing up. "You can walk, and I'll ride ahead."

"You have a feast tonight," Merlin said.

"Yes, and that's why I'll ride ahead."

"And who's going to get your posh clothes ready? There's enough room for both of us, though whether he can bear your weight is another matter entirely."

Arthur scowled. "Fine then," he said. "You dismount, and I'll take the reins. I'm not trusting you to get us back to Camelot in one piece."

"Well, I'm not trusting you to stay there once you take them," said Merlin.

"You're not supposed to--Merlin, you're my manservant. You don't need to trust me; you need to obey me."

Arthur was frustrated, but it wasn't 'throw him in the cells' frustrated, or even 'throw him in the stocks'. Merlin preferred to think of it as fond exasperation. He trotted the horse a few metres into the woods.

"And when have I ever done that? You'd be better swapping me for George," Merlin said. "He'd do what you tell him."

"Oh, for god's sake, Merlin," Arthur said, but he was laughing as he caught up with the horse and, bracing a hand on the rump, swung himself on.

~

Arthur was a back-seat horserider. Too hard on the bit, Merlin. Nudge him with your knees, not with your feet.

Add that to the sudden rain and the fact that Arthur's very presence was supremely distracting, and it was a perfect storm.

"Watch out for that tree branch, Merlin!"

"Tree branch? That's a root, Arthur, and the horse can easily step over--"

"Not that, you idiot - that!"

~~

[sycophantastic.livejournal.com]

Supernatural, Dean/Castiel + any, they're turned into ugly animals rather than cute cuddly animals

[sycophantastic.livejournal.com]

Sherlock (BBC), John/Sherlock, drunk texting

[sycophantastic.livejournal.com]

Stargate Atlantis, John/Rodney, Rodney's temporarily turned into an owl

[pandionpandeus.livejournal.com]

Rodney can't speak, can't berate any and all around him, but that doesn't stop him from being just as intimidating.

Four wicked talons on each foot, a razor sharp beak, the two tufts of feathers atop his head that should be amusing but are instead just another part of his overall fearsome look, and his bright orange eyes, all wide and staring and way too focused and staring--

"Okay! Okay!" Sheppard exclaims. "I'll see if they have any more jello!" Rodney continues to stare. "And coffee," Sheppard adds, sighing as he pushes away from the table.

And Rodney just hoots softly to himself and preens smugly as John heads for the kitchen.

[love-evil.livejournal.com]

Big Bang Theory, Sheldon, Sheldon takes LSD

[love-evil.livejournal.com]

Supernatural, Sam/panini, Their epic love affair

[love-evil.livejournal.com]

Supernatural/The Closer, Lucifer+Brenda, There's something really odd about her lawyer.

[xenoamorist.livejournal.com]

Sherlock (BBC), Sherlock +/ John, texting and scones in an unorthodox combination

Bonus points if the Doctor pops in.

[love-evil.livejournal.com]

Supernatural, Crowley/Cas, Crowley gets cursed and can only repeat lines from Disney songs.

[xenoamorist.livejournal.com]

Torchwood, Jack, he’s the host of a cooking show (watch this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qbkpNxMr4q4) if you need some inspiration)

[xenoamorist.livejournal.com]

Supernatural; Dean/Dr. Sexy, M.D.; Dean doesn't know why he's in a latex nurse's outfit, but, um, he kinda likes it. a lot.

not a fill

[hobnailedboots.livejournal.com]

but, er, yes. yes please

[xenoamorist.livejournal.com]

Supernatural/My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Lucifer + Michael + Tyrant Princess Celestia + Princess Luna, feuding siblings

no fill

[yoruichiyoshi12.livejournal.com]

But you are awesome for finding a way to cross these fandoms!

[xenoamorist.livejournal.com]

Supernatural, Bobby/Crowley, Crowley's a rock star whose amps very much go up to 11, and Bobby's his #1 groupie

not a fill, but...

[murf1307.livejournal.com]

HOLY SHIT I HAVE TO WRITE THIS. BECAUSE THIS PROMPT IS FUCKING GLORIOUS.