Thursday: Self-Deprecation

[meatball42.livejournal.com]

Heyall, I'm meatball42 bringing you an admittedly self-serving prompt. Today's prompt is SELF-DEPRECATION, which is defined by Wikipedia as belittling or undervaluing oneself. It's a big guilty pleasure for me to read fics where characters are feeling bad about themselves, with optional comfort of the fluffy or carnal sort. So go out and depress, debase and degrade all your favorite characters in the name of angst and/or love!

Ze rules:

-No more than five prompts in a row. If someone fills one of your prompts, you are then free to prompt again!
-No more than three prompts in the same fandom.
-No spoilers in prompts!
-If your fill contains spoilers, warn and leave plenty of space.

Prompts should be formatted as follows:
-Fandom, Character+/Character, Prompt

Some examples (aka, write these for me and I will love you for at least five minutes):

- Bones, Zach, On the outside looking in
- Glee, any/any, "I don't deserve you."
- Any, any, Hiding the pain behind a mask for the good of the team

*Cackles with glee*

tag=self-deprecation

Comments

[mangacrack.livejournal.com]

Supernatural, Samifer, Who am I? Who are you? What are we?

[clwilson2006.livejournal.com]

SGA, Lorne/Parrish, "I'm not worth your career" (pre-repeal obviously)

Filled - The Meeting - Parrish/Lorne - PG (1/2)

[squidgiepdx]

David wakes up, the spot next to him in bed empty for the first time in six months.

To call what he did that night sleep would have been an overstatement. Ever since the previous morning, when Evan was caught leaving David's quarters by a female physicist (whom Evan'd previously spurned advances from - multiple times), David felt his comfortable life on Atlantis - if you could call living with a military contingent and weird half-human creatures who would like nothing more than to suck the very life force from your being a comfortable life - spin out of control.

He knew what he had to do; he just wasn't ready. But he'd made his decision, and was going to stick to it.

Forcing himself to get up, David goes through the motions of getting ready for his workday, though it wouldn't be a routine one. Once ready, he walks solemnly to his lab and sits down at his computer, opening the word processing application and starting a letter to the leadership team on Atlantis.

As soon as he hits send, forwarding the message to Elizabeth and Rodney, the blood in his veins flows bitterly cold. He gets up from his desk, fights off a momentary feeling of dizziness, and heads to the bathroom to throw up.

Forty-five minutes later, David is sitting at his desk when McKay storms into his lab. "You!" he yelps, pointing at David. Rodney snaps his fingers and David gets up, following the chief scientist as he stomps toward the control room.

Rounding the corner, David first spots Weir and Sheppard, both with quite unhappy looks on their faces. When he fully enters the room, he spots Evan, standing at what David remembers being called 'parade rest', and his heartbeat nearly doubles. He thinks he may need to throw up again.

"Doctor Parrish," Elizabeth says, her tone diplomatic. "Thank you for joining us. Please have a seat." Sheppard throws Evan a look, and sits across the table from the botanist when Elizabeth continues, "We have a few questions-"

"Yeah, like what in the hell do you mean 'resign my position immediately, and will await transport back to Earth at the earliest convenience'?" McKay blurts. "Is there something physically wrong with you, that would prevent you from doing your job?" Rodney demands.

Shaking his head, David quietly answers, "No, Doctor McKay."

"And was there something in the databurst from six weeks ago that you're just now figuring out is some sort of family emergency that requires you to abandon your job on Atlantis and go back to Earth?" After a beat, Rodney asks, "Or have you just lost your soft-science educated mind?"

"McKay!" and "Rodney!" Sheppard and Elizabeth exclaim at the same time, giving the chief scientist an incredulous look.

David barely raises his head to answer again, "No, Doctor McKay."

"Then would you mind explaining to me just what the everloving fuck you're trying to accomplish by resigning, Doctor Parrish?"

David finally lifts his head, but focuses on Evan, locking on to his partner's eyes. "I couldn't be the reason," he says, voice barely above a whisper. A sole tear appears at the corner of his eye, and he brushes it away.

"David-" Evan says, then glances at his commanding officer. With a nod from Sheppard, Evan continues, "It's okay..."

"No, it is not okay!" David says, his voice finally at full volume. "Evan, I know how important your career is to you - to your family. And I can't be the reason you lose..." he starts. Motioning around, David finishes, "You can't lose this. Not because of me."

Evan gets out of his seat and crosses to David, pulling the man up and into his arms. "It's okay," he says, rubbing David's arm comfortingly. "It really is."

The men lock gazes, Evan smiling up into David's face, though David can still see the worry hidden behind Evan's eyes.

David pulls away, abandoning Evan and turning back to Atlantis' leadership. With a glance back at his now former partner, he says, "No. I'm sorry, I can't."

(continued below)

[mahmfic.livejournal.com]

Sherlock BBC, Sherlock, I'm feeling an emotion...

[samueljames]

Torchwood, Tosh/author's choice, "I'm good if you need your computer fixed but not the kind of girl you'd want to date."

[rebak1tten.livejournal.com]

oh,makes me sad already!

[mahmfic.livejournal.com]

Sherlock BBC, Mycroft, Will you forgive me even though I cannot forgive myself?

Fill

[enochia.livejournal.com]

I tried. I tried my best. I didn’t try hard enough.

It’s my fault. I let jealousy rule me. Who was this newcomer, grabbing everyone’s attention? They told me why you needed help, but I didn’t understand it. I didn’t want to. I wanted to be able to remember everything I see or hear too. I wanted to have mother follow my every step and praise me for small things and never discipline me when I do wrong. All I saw was that you were more special than me. I refused to acknowledge the price of it even with medical manuals littering the house.

When I grew up enough to allow myself to love you, it was too late. I tried to approach and you went defensive at once. Your impressions were already stored in that accursed brain of yours and no force could erase them. You see everything and remember everything but you cannot really understand what drives people. You have read textbook explanations and you have observed patterns of illogical actions of us common mortals, but you still cannot truly comprehend them. You will never see me as more than someone who sees you as an annoyance at best and an obstacle at worst. My awkward attempts to care for you come off as new tactics to remove you from equation.

Mother forgave me long ago. I cannot. Will you forgive me, brother?

Of course you won’t. You don’t understand what I need forgiveness for.

[mahmfic.livejournal.com]

Torchwood, Jack, anyone who died while I'm in command... It's my fault.

[888mph.livejournal.com]

Harry Potter, Remus/Sirius, He's not the man he was before Azkaban

[with-rainfall.livejournal.com]

Silmarillion, Maglor / or + Maedhros, "I am not even worth your notice."

[with-rainfall.livejournal.com]

Animorphs, Marco/Jake early in series, "Who, me? The guy who couldn't make the freaking basketball team?"

[888mph.livejournal.com]

Harry Potter, Remus/Sirius, He's a runaway, no longer a Black

[with-rainfall.livejournal.com]

Supernatural, Dean/Castiel, what am I but a shadow?

an End!verse fill

[wallmakerrelict.livejournal.com]

Dean gets affectionate right after sex. It's the only time he acts like this, pulling me close and kissing me lazily, so I try to enjoy it even though I am crawling out of my skin. Sex is a great high, but it is wearing off now, and all I want to do is slink back to my cabin and chase that next high. Whether it comes from a joint or a pill or a needle or Dean - anything to distract from where my mind tends to wander when I am sober.

I used to be light. I was awesome and divine, and my vessel was merely a shell, a tool, held in stasis and bent to my will. But now I am more vessel than light, and I am the one who bends. I cannot relax and enjoy a tender moment with Dean, not when I can feel my pulse not only in my throat but in my fingertips and wrists and groin and behind my knees and in my temples. Not when I can feel my stomach churning around the bolus of my dinner. Not when I can hear the whistle of my airways as the fleshy balloons of my lungs inflate and deflate again and again.

This, this stretching skin and pulsing fluids and gurgling viscera, dictates my existence now. I am a slave to its weaknesses and its urges. Once, the whole of time and space was open to me, and now I am trapped in a slab of stolen meat.

And underneath? No grace. No soul. I am nothing. Just a shadow, lingering though the form that casted it is long gone.

Dean squeezes me around my chest, nuzzling into my neck. "My angel," he murmurs.

I push him away.

"Don't call me that."

[mahmfic.livejournal.com]

Dark Shadows, Barnabas/Josette, There's a part of him that thinks he doesn't deserve her since he's been cursed.

[with-rainfall.livejournal.com]

Tomorrow Series, Fi/Homer, she can do better than me. She's a princess and I'm a delinquent.

[with-rainfall.livejournal.com]

Animorphs, any, I don't deserve my friends.

[888mph.livejournal.com]

Supernatural, Dean/Cas, The world doesn't need saving anymore, so what is Dean to do?

[hobnailedboots.livejournal.com]

Supernatural, Dean/Castiel, Castiel doesn't think he deserves to be saved.

[hobnailedboots.livejournal.com]

Sherlock, John(+/Sherlock), John knows his intellect is nothing special, so what does Sherlock see in him?

Fill: Sherlock BBC (S1) - Needs

[analise010.livejournal.com]

It’s always bothered John that Sherlock just keeps him around like he’s another experiment or something nice to keep around the house. He has a psychosomatic limp. He’s broken beyond belief and everything that he says in these cases is so grossly incorrect, he wonders why Sherlock doesn’t treat him like Anderson. What can John do that Sherlock can’t figure out on his own?

“Dr. Watson,” Sherlock calls. He walks back over to the body, where Sherlock is crouched over the body. “What do you think that is?”

John peers down through the layers of clothing to the victim’s abdomen. “Looks like a midline surgical incision to me. Though, only a doctor could have done anything that precise,” he whispers. “Do you think - ”

“Almost certainly,” Sherlock responds. “He’s probably had his organs removed for the suspect to sell on the black market.”

John shudders, turning away in disgust, when he feels a hand on his shoulder. He pointedly does not look over at his flatmate.

“Surely you didn’t need me for that Sherlock? You know quite a bit about anatomy, I’m sure.”

Sherlock physically turns John’s head to face him, eyes dark, but positively blazing, his thumb resting lightly on John’s lower lip.

“You were needed Doctor. You are always needed.”

[meatball42.livejournal.com]

Bones, Zach, On the outside looking in

[meatball42.livejournal.com]

Glee, any/any, "I don't deserve you."

[meatball42.livejournal.com]

Any, any, Hiding the pain behind a mask for the good of the team

[argentum-ls.livejournal.com]

Psych, Shawn, Shawn discovers he really is psychic (telepathic?) and it's not anywhere near what he thought it would be like.

[argentum-ls.livejournal.com]

Teen Wolf, Jackson, He knows that he's never had a chance of fitting in, so he stopped trying.

[argentum-ls.livejournal.com]

Charmed, Chris, A part of him wants to fail at his mission so he can at least have a place to go home to that's his.

[drabblewriter.livejournal.com]

Supernatural, any vessel, it's the only reason they exist

Fill, Dean, 1/1

[hobnailedboots.livejournal.com]

Dean has never owned anything, bar the amulet on his neck and the tattoo on his chest. He was entrusted with his dad's car, and though John's long gone the Impala still isn't Dean's, not really. He has a family, technically speaking, though Sam's left him once and might well leave him again, given what Ruby's doing to him.

He doesn't own the car. He doesn't own Sam. He doesn't even own the credit cards he uses to buy food.

And now, Dean is coming to the realisation that he does not own himself.

Every moment in time--his mom and dad hooking up, the fire, the Devils' Gate--it's all been carefully calculated by forces beyond his comprehension. Dean is less than a footsoldier; he's an instrument. Every decision he has made is artificial.

They knew he'd make a deal to save Sam. They knew he'd eventually take up arms in Hell. They knew everything, because they'd created everything.

But Dean owns something now; he owns a choice. He can say yes to Michael, and fulfil his divine purpose, or he can say no, and end the world.

Is it worth the world, to own something for yourself? Dean Winchester, saver of people, hunter of things, would say no. The current Dean craved defiance.

One spark of faith can light a flame, Castiel had told him once.

Dean would say no, and he would fight. He might exist to be a vessel, but he would live as more than that.

He could only hope that Sam would resolve to do the same.

[drabblewriter.livejournal.com]

ASOIAF/Game of Thrones, Jon, bastards of worthless

[youaredriving.livejournal.com]

A bastard has little worth within a noble family. It’s something that Jon Snow has come to learn. Their blood is richer, more pure then his blood could ever be. It doesn’t matter that his father is the man who fathered each of these people he has learned to call brother and sister. No, that doesn’t matter in a family such as the Starks.

What matters is that he was born of mistake and lust that not even the noblest of nobles could resist.

So he sits outside when his father gives feast to other noblemen and their families. He practices with his sword in hand until his arms shake with fatigue. He fights to beat the dirt from his blood.

He may never be good enough to be a Stark but Jon Snow would fight until someone could see him as more than just a bastard.