Monday - Crack day!

[entropynchaos.livejournal.com]

Hi! I'm merry_gentry, and I'll be your CF host for the week. *waves*

We're going to start the week off with something fun - it's Crack Day! Any fandom, any pairing, any prompt - just make them as zany as you like!

Now, please, please remember to be kind to your hardworking codemonkeys and leave your prompts looking like this (the second is for crossovers):

Leverage, Parker, Winnie the Pooh (and Piglet too)
SPN/The Princess Bride, Dean/author's choice, "Well, that was unexpected!"

Just a couple of rules - although I'm sure you all know them already!
- No more than 5 prompts in a row and no more than 3 prompts per fandom. If one of your prompts is answered, then you can leave another one! Just don't go crazy and try to space your prompts out through the day.
- No spoiler prompts for a week after its aired - and, if your ficlet contains spoilers, put a warning in bold and leave three spaces.

Remember, if nothing strikes your fancy today, please, head on over to the Lonely Prompts and see if there's something there you like!

Comments

[entropynchaos.livejournal.com]

Leverage, Parker, Winnie the Pooh (and Piglet too)

[entropynchaos.livejournal.com]

SPN/The Princess Bride, Dean/author's choice, "Well, that was unexpected!"

SPN/The Princess Bride, Dean/Count Rugen, "Well, that was unexpected!"

[spae.livejournal.com]

This may not go where you think it will go. Crack only in the pairing - NOT the fic. WARNING! fisting! Um, yes. Six-fingered fisting. XD

Seriously, this is kinda dark and may be squicky.

Click at your own discretion!

[voksen.livejournal.com]

Weiss Kreuz, author's choice, unicorns.

[prototypical]

Crawford felt used to most of the thoughts Schuldig would stick into his head on weekend nights while he was out enjoying himself to pass the time, but to suddenly see unicorns stampeding across his field of vision seemed a bit more abnormal than usual.

That thought was instantly confirmed when Nagi and Farfarello admitted they'd seen them too. What could Schuldig be thinking for them to share the imagery? It came and went, but the unicorns were there for all of Schwarz for nearly an hour until someone knocked at the door.

Crawford opened it. Schuldig fell through the doorway and his words quickly answered all question.

"I think there was some acid in those mints I ate at the club."

[mariana-oconnor.livejournal.com]

Supernatural, Dean, Sam and Castiel, 'Follow the leprechauns you said... you never said they had to be green leprechauns'

[voksen.livejournal.com]

author's choice, author's choice, unicorns

[lilyayl.livejournal.com]

I have no idea if this is what you had in mind or not, but *shrugs* I hope you enjoy.

---

Ari yawned and rifled through the messages left on her doorstep. Every last one requested her aid. She sighed and left them upon the table for Gerta, her assistant, friend, and physician, to sort.

She retreated to her bedroom and opened the windows to allow in a breeze. How many days since she'd last slept in her own bed? she wondered. At least tonight she'd be able to slip between her own cool sheets. Sunlight filled her window, spilling onto her bed and floor. Ari lay down and fell lazily to sleep.

"Ari, you must get up." Ari squeezed her eyes, wincing to wakefulness.

"What is it?" she asked, pushing her assistant away.

"They've found the village."

Ari heard the words, but could not pull sense from them. Gerta could not possibly mean-- Cold and instantly alert, Ari slid off her bed and gathered together her supplies. Gerta helped her into her jacket. Ari noticed that her medical bag was already packed and hanging over her shoulder. She was expecting the worst then. "What about Selene?" Ari asked, naming the eldest virgin in the village.

"She is doing her best, but..."

She was still only 17. The older the virgin, the stronger their influence over the deadly unicorns. Ari, at 28, was one of the oldest virgins in her region who also had experience with the beasts. She could command up to six at once, a considerable and previously unheard-of feat.

Outside, clouds masked all the stars. Down the hill, darkness stretched forever, dark fields shifting into endless forest. Ari held her lantern high and ran down to the village. She'd protected the hill with her own hair and blood the spring before. They were far less effective than her presence, of course, but they did tend to confuse the unicorns. She'd meant to strengthen her protections, but she'd just been so busy.

Someone screamed and Ari ran faster.

In the village, every window was lit. Despite her best efforts, the villagers still believed that the unicorns could be repelled by light. Selene was sobbing in the green, her back against the well and two unicorns pressing in toward her. Gerta hurried to the church steps where a body was crumpled, likely gored.

Ari looked away, needing to be calm, and started to sing. Selene's head snapped up. Ari nodded to her and, choking, Selene joined her song. Ari pulled a small harp from her bag and began to play, strengthening her influence.

The unicorns lowered their horns and walked to her. A third came from behind her. Ari slowly laid down the harp and pulled out three small barbs. The unicorns knelt and she petted them.

Blood stained two horns and one mouth. She ran her hands over their noses and necks, still marveling over the softness. Starry-eyed and white like a sun-bleached cloud, the creatures were beautiful. Gently, she pressed a barb into the flesh of each. Their eyes closed. They slept.

"Selene." Ari called the young woman to her. She handed her a sharp knife. Selene's eyes widened and she shook her head.

"No, I can't."

Ari forcibly wrapped her hand around the hilt. "You will."

Selene sobbed and fell to her knees. She caressed one long horn and then, clenching her eyes shut, she began to cut off the horn. She did not stop crying even after the last unicorn's horn was gone. The unicorns froze mid-breath, mid-dream. In the dawn, they would become dust and nothing more.

Selene shoved the horns into Ari's hands and ran off. She'd probably never had to deal with unicorns before. The first encounter was always the most magical and horrifying. No one liked to destroy such beauty.

[mariana-oconnor.livejournal.com]

Merlin, Merlin/Arthur, None of that explains why there's a goat in my bed.

Re-post for editing!fail

[dargai.livejournal.com]

Merlin gobbled and stammered in desperation. "And then...I mean, it was almost as if something terrible was about to happen. Like a- a foreboding. Yes, a foreboding. And then I looked up, and...there...you were."

"There I was?" Arthur asked again.

Merlin gobbled some more. This was bad, very bad. "Well after Sophia, you know - not that it was your fault or anything because it wasn't and I know it wasn't - but, after Sophia and the dragon and the Gryphon and the Black Knight and...and..."

"You've made your point, Merlin. But none of that explains why there is a goat in my bed."

Merlin was pretty sure that Arthur smacking the table with the flat of his sword wasn't that terrifying.

"Merlin!"

OK, but it was almost scary how Arthur could make his name seem like an interrogation.

"Well, weird things happen and it was standing in your room and wearing your shirt and I thought-"

"You thought, 'poor billy goat. Let me give it Arthur's cup to quaff and dinner to eat and let me put its dirty - dirty, because have you seen what a goat walks through, Merlin? - hooves in Arthur's clean bed!' ...Is that right, Merlin?"

"I-" There really wasn't a good way to say, You think it's crazy but if you've been trying to shapeshift all day and getting nowhere, and then you walk into the Crown Prince's room and see a clothed goat baa-ing at you, it might not cross your mind that it's just the Lady Morgana up to tricks. "I'm sorry."

"Good. Now, as your punishment, you can work out how to lay your hands on one of Lady Morgana's dresses. I have a horse that might welcome a pretty fringe on parade."

[jemzamia.livejournal.com]

Torchwood, Jack/Ianto, waterfight

A Non-sonic, Long Range, Hydroblaster

[guiltyreasons.livejournal.com]

"What is that?" Ianto asked as he came into Jack's office. He placed a cup of fresh made tea on the desk and started examining the exotic looking gun.

"It's a non-sonic, long range, hydroblaster," Jack told him running his fingers over the black and red mechanics.

"It looks dangerous," Ianto said warily.

"It's very dangerous, Ianto, very. Especially to the Metonian poeple of Metha 2," Jack said than started pumping the lever at the end, "After all they have the equivalent of deadly case of Aquagenic Urticaria."

"What's Aquagentic..oh whatever you said mean?" Ianto asked flustered.

"An allergy to water," Jack said and suddenly aimed the gun at Ianto and sprayed. Water hit the man in the face and Ianto went from happy to surprised to mad in ten seconds flat. He wiped at his face and glared.

"I'm wearing a full suit," Ianto complained, "I'm sending you the dry cleaning."

"You're no fun."

"This isn't funny. I'm sending you the cleaning bills," Ianto complained than turned to leave.

Jack gave him one last quirt in the ass which earned him a true, I'm pissed as hell at you, glare. Jack sighed putting the false gun down and trotting after Ianto. He was surprised to see the man already turning a corner.

"Ianto!" he called out in annoyance. It really hadn't been that bad.

"No Jack," Ianto said still around another corner. Jack groaned and kept going.

Out of no where a stream of water hit Jack's face than moved down the rest of his body. He sputtered and put his hands in front of himself to stop the powerful past. He fluttered his eyes open to see Ianto standing before him with the watering hose from the greenhouse.

"You damn cheat," Jack laughed as the water stopped.

"Next time you're showing off your non-sonic, long range, hydroblaster show it to someone who doesn't do the cleaning," Ianto said proudly because he was far more dryer than Jack and in a water fight that means you win.

"Bastard," Jack said smirking and taking off his coat, than his shirt and his pants.

"What are you doing?" Ianto demanded looking up towards Tosh's station.

"Getting naked. I'm all wet purpose excuse to play a game of naked hide and seek eh?"

"The others are here!"

"Makes it all the more fun hm?" Jack said now fully naked, "Now you've got to find me before they do." He sprinted off and Ianto stared after his juicy ass. He sighed putting the hose down and wiping his hands.

"I knew I should have never encouraged him."

[mariana-oconnor.livejournal.com]

Merlin, Arthur & Uther/Gaius/Slash dragon, Now that you're old enough there are some things I think I should tell you.

Sorry... sorry sorry....don't judge me, please

[the-gabih.livejournal.com]

Gosh, I'm laughing at the prompt alone... xD

[jemzamia.livejournal.com]

Doctor Who, Ten/Donna, tutu

It's a TUTU

[chibifukurou]

"Why are you wearing a tutu"

"It's a tradition Ballain outfit of greeting."

"It's a tutu"

"You know the Ballains are an amazing race."

"It's a TUTU"

"They are some of the most advanced people in the shadow proclamation."

"It's A TUTU"

"They settle all their differences through dance."

"IT'S A TUTU"

"Well yes, but its an alien tutu."

[gsr-rocks.livejournal.com]

Dollhouse, Claire/Adelle, too much sun

[anthimeriate.livejournal.com]

(I realized what an interesting fandom we have here as I was writing this... A beach vacation and admitting to pain are considered possible crack in my mind. XD)

"It hurts..."

"I know, I know. I'm looking for the aloe, I know I packed it."

"Well hurry up, because it really hurts..."

"When did you become such a baby?"

Adelle shot up to glare indignantly at Claire, but it was ruined as she winced in pain. Not able to help herself, the doctor laughed.

"Hey!" Adelle protested, dirty look finally achieved, "I am not a baby, and this is not funny. This is serious sunburn here."

Claire scoffed, and continued to dig through their suitcases. "You are so being a baby. Remember when I stitched up a bullet wound for you without anesthetic? You barely even winced. Now you're whimpering like a child over this sunburn, which is honestly not that bad, and could have been prevented if you'd put on sunscreen like I told you to."

The older woman grumbled, carefully laying back across the bed on her stomach to avoid irritating her sunburnt back. "That was at work. This is vacation. On vacation, I'm allowed to have emotions. Emotions like pain."

Claire, finally having found what she was looking for, approached Adelle with a bottle of aloe. "That's ridiculous. Not only because you can have emotions any time you like, but because I know you're smart enough to know that pain itself is not an emotion. Though I suppose being in pain is expressed through emotions..."

"Stop being so picky, you know what I mean."

"I do, I'm just teasing. No more sun for you, it makes you cranky. Did you want me to put the aloe on for you?"

Adelle sighed heavily, and then nodded. "Yes, please. And just so you know, it's the pain that makes me cranky, not the sun. I quite like the sun, which is why I brought you to the beach."

Claire smiled, putting some of the aloe on her hands. "And I brought sunscreen so you wouldn't burn your skin. Besides, I know all too well that pain doesn't always make you cranky."

Adelle melted into the mattress as the other woman began to smooth the cool gel across her bare back. "Like I said, when I'm working it's different. ...That feels good."

"Well, I'm glad it feels good," the doctor replied, adding some more aloe to her back, "Anyway, I certainly don't mean at work either. I believe the proof of what I mean is still here, on your shoulders."

Claire laughed as she traced a rather dark bite mark on Adelle's skin, and the older woman couldn't help but smile despite her pain. "Okay, maybe not always," she concedes, closing her eyes. She paused a moment before quickly adding: "But right now, it still does."

[jemzamia.livejournal.com]

Merlin, Arthur/Merlin, showgirl

[gsr-rocks.livejournal.com]

Dollhouse, Adelle/Claire, sugar rush

[anthimeriate.livejournal.com]

(It's the return of Topher's couch! This was way too fun to write. XD)

"You have such good ideas!"

Claire looks over at her boss, who is sprawled out on Topher's couch, and giggles. "I know! I told you it would be easy. And like he'll ever suspect us of stealing all his candy." With a grin much like a child sneaking a cookie from the jar, she pops another handful of Skittles into her mouth.

"I know!" Adelle grins right back, gesturing with an arm and flinging it off the couch, a chocolate bar firm in her grip. "He doesn't even think we have fun!"

Claire starts bouncing in place excitedly. "And it's a perfect lie, because it's true! We don't have fun!"

Adelle brings the chocolate bar back to her mouth and takes a large bite, watching the energetic doctor. "Not until now, anyway! You have such good ideas."

"You said that already," Claire giggles, tipping the rest of the bag of Skittles into her mouth.

"Well, it's still true." The older woman finishes up her chocolate and tosses the wrapper onto the floor, then goes straight back into their stash to find something new. "You know, if you're really hyped up, Topher has an excellent trampoline."

Claire pauses for a moment, considering it, before moving to go back into the stash on the table herself. "Don't want to break my ankle. Or stop eating this candy."

Adelle snatches up a package of fruit snacks, snorting and joking goodnaturedly, "No exercise and more candy? You're a horrible doctor."

"Not my fault!" she exclaims, frowning at the selection. "That'd be your fault. Or Topher's. Probably both, I don't even know. Besides, there are better ways of releasing energy than a silly trampoline."

"Oh?" Adelle asks, raising her eyebrows, a gesture which looks significantly less sophisticated with a fruit snack hanging half out of her mouth. "You have a better idea?"

She pauses a moment again, studying the pile of candy, before grinning broadly and bouncing right to her feet. "As a matter of fact, I do! Topher keeps sundae toppings in his fridge!"

"Your way to burn energy is ice cream? Don't think that's going to work."

Adelle keeps popping fruit snacks as she watches Claire go to the refrigerator, eyes still trailing her as she returns with a bottle of strawberry syrup. She sets it on the table, devious glint in her eyes, and Adelle drops the fruit snack package to the floor as the doctor climbs right on top of her. Mouth slightly agape, she can only stare as the young physician giggles once more. "Who said anything about ice cream?"

Adelle has no time to respond before the hyperactive woman surges forward and kisses her. Claire tastes like candy and it's almost ridiculously endearing how she keeps giggling against her lips, so any likely protest flies right out the window in her sugar-overloaded state. When the doctor pulls back, Adelle grins widely up at her.

"You really do have such good ideas."

[jemzamia.livejournal.com]

Merlin, Arthur/Merlin + Morgana, pillowfight

[elebridith]

Leverage/RPS/AtS, Eliot/Chris/Lindsey, ballerina

[badfalcon.livejournal.com]

"Daddy! Daddy!" Sarah pulled impatiently on Christian's sleeve, trying to drag him through the door. "We're gonna be late! We can't be late! We can't! It's my big day, Daddy! Where's Papa? We're going to be late! PAPA!"

"We won't be late, darlin'" Christian promised, scooping Sarah up into his arms. He smiled as Steve stepped up close, and kissed him before kissing Sarah on the forehead.

"You look beautiful, Sair." Steve told her, stepping back and appraising her in her tutu. "Like a princess."

Sarah beamed at him, bouncing in Christian's arms. "Gonna be late!" She insisted. "We gotta go!"

"Sarah..." The ringing of the doorbell cut Christian off. Shifting Sarah against his side, he opened the doorbell, greeting Eliot and Lindsey.

"Hi Uncle Eliot! Hi Uncle Lindsey." Sarah pushed herself out of Christian's arms, clambering up onto Eliot's shoulders.

"Hey princess," Lindsey smiled. "Ready for you big day?"

"Yes!" Sarah squealed. "But we gotta go!"

"Ok ok," Eliot chuckled, swinging her down and tucking her up under his arm. "Lets get you to your stage, shall we Miss Ballerina?"

[skinthief.livejournal.com]

Supernatural, Castiel/author's choice, "Sugar plum fairies?"

[ltec.livejournal.com]

'Cas, why are you covered in glitter'.

'It is not glitter, Sam. It is the mating dust of the sugar plum fairy, may I speak with your brother.

'I'm going out to the...Castiel at least wait till I'm out the door'.

'Then may I suggest you leave'.

Sam slams the door, trying to erase the image of his brother being thrown on a bed as Castiel tried to strip him of all clothing.

[skinthief.livejournal.com]

Angel the Series, Cordelia, "What, so now we have to kill Father Christmas, too?"

[skinthief.livejournal.com]

Skins, Cassie/Effy, aliens.

[skinthief.livejournal.com]

Dollhouse, Echo, water balloons.

[skinthief.livejournal.com]

League of Gentlemen, Tubbs/author's choice, "Is that a Precious Thing?"

[ice-ziggee.livejournal.com]

House MD, Wilson(/House), High up on a mountain top

[shanaqui]

Any Final Fantasy, any Final Fantasy characters, sex while under the effects of a haste spell (or equivalent).

(Bonus points if you make it hot.)

[the-gabih.livejournal.com]

Death Note, author's choice (bonus if it's not L), sugar highs and lows

[elebridith]

RPS/Dollhouse, Handler!Hugh/Doll!Taylor, accidental sugar overdose

[mariana-oconnor.livejournal.com]

Supernatural/Narnia, Sam and Dean, Dude... you just shot Aslan.

[hobbit-eyes.livejournal.com]

This was already one of their longest awkward silences ever, and it didn't show any signs of abating. Dean and Sam just sat there, in the motel room, staring at the floor, in different levels of shock. The wardrobe door still stood slightly ajar, and neither of them made any move to close it.

"It was an easy enough mistake to make, OK?" Dean suddenly blurted. "Random portal at the back of my wardrobe, what was I supposed to think?"

Sam said nothing.

"You were sleeping, just thought I'd check it out. Wasn't expecting to end up in that forest. But once I was through, I couldn't exactly go straight home, could I?"

Sam said nothing.

"You so would have done the same. That fawn was weird enough, AND they were talking about a witch and a 100 years of winter. I was just on guard, all right? Possibly a bit twitchy on the trigger finger, but it came out of nowhere..."

Sam said nothing.

"I know Dad never mentioned talking animals, but if he had, you know he would have said to shoot them. Better safe than sorry, right? What if it had been going to kill me? Besides, it was a lion! I was being SENSIBLE, really!"

Sam finally cleared his throat.

"Dude," he said, "you just SHOT. ASLAN."

"So??" protested Dean, "It was an easy mistake to make! So I killed a fictional character. A fictional talking animal! Who's going to care?"

".... you realise who he's symbolising, right?"

"He's fictional!"

"Castiel's gonna be pissed."

"FICTIONAL!"

The silence returned, and threatened to go on to become as awkward and prolonged as before. Sam sighed.

"Poor Chuck," he said, "He won't even get to write about this one without infringing copyright laws."

[ice-ziggee.livejournal.com]

RPS, CK/SC, knife-lessons