Pinch hit - Friday - Texts from Last Night

[mtxref-fic.livejournal.com]

Sorry for the late posting: the plumber was at our house to repair the shower and things have been a bit upside down...

Friday already and the last day I'll be pinch-hitting this week. And this last day, I'm turning to one of my favorite sources of inspiration: Texts From Last Night (warning: some of the texts are likely not work-safe). A lot of them sound like there's gotta be a story behind them, the kind of things that one's favorite characters might get into.

But first, a few rules:

No more than five prompts in a row.
No more than three prompts in the same fandom.
No spoilers in prompts.
If your fill contains spoilers, warn and leave plenty of space.

Prompts should be formatted as follows:
Fandom, Character+/Character, Prompt

Some examples:

- Torchwood, Ianto+Owen what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
- Any, any, She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
- Person of Interest, any, I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.

Comments

[mtxref-fic.livejournal.com]

Torchwood, Ianto+Owen what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?

[mtxref-fic.livejournal.com]

Any, any, She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place

[mtxref-fic.livejournal.com]

Person of Interest, any, I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.

[jaune-chat.livejournal.com]

MCU, Any/Any, Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!

[classics-lover.livejournal.com]

MCU, author's choice, (615):

I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget


(1-615):

Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...

[classics-lover.livejournal.com]

MCU, Darcy/any or Fitz/any, (+44):

Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.

[quitehopeless.livejournal.com]

A/N: These prompts are perfect for the kind of crack this pairing brings up. I should be sorry. I'm afraid I'm not. And I lack willpower because I wasn't going to write them, but I did.

---

You owe me, Darcy texted. Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.

She could almost hear the grunt Jason must have given when he texted her back. Batfamily emergency. Annoying as hell.

You're going to make it up to me.

Already did.

She almost dropped her phone in excitement. You stole the original panties, didn't you?

Yeah. Dick's gonna kill me.

[classics-lover.livejournal.com]

MCU, author's choice, (949):

I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences


(714):

???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences

Combined two prompts

[daria234.livejournal.com]

Text message from Bucky: This is weird

Text message from Tony: Kill anyone?

Text message from Bucky: No

Text message from Tony: Win.

Text message from Bucky: Fuck you

Text message from Tony: LOL

Text message from Bucky: I just woke up in bed sandwiched between two people

Text message from Tony: HOT. Send pics?

Text message from Bucky: No. I just stepped out to the bathroom so I could text you.

Text message from Tony: You brought the phone into the bathroom?? They're going to assume you're posting online pics of your poop

Text message from Bucky: SHUT THE FUCK UP THIS IS TOTALLY WEIRD THEY ARE JUST SITTING IN BED SHARING DOUGHNUTS AND CHATTING LIKE THIS IS ALL NORMAL

Text message from Tony : They spell it "donuts" now

Text message from Bucky: This century spells things wrong.

Text message from Tony: So what's the problem? They didn't offer you any donuts?

Text message from Bucky: I wake up and they are just talking like every Saturday they have their usual post-threesome brunch. I didn't know what to say.

Text message from Tony: Oh you're asking me for threesome etiquette. Very good choice, I'm very experienced. Just say thank you for a nice night and leave. And maybe send them jewelry after if you hope to do it again.

Text message from Bucky: I don't want to leave, I want to not be awkward. I used to be good at this, dammit!

Text message from Tony: Oh you want a morning fuck.

Text message from Bucky: Tony. I want to stay and hang out with them.

Text message from Tony: Huh. That's very mature. Can't help you. PS do I know your threesome buddies? Are they hot?

Text message from Bucky: TTYL

********

Text message from Bucky: So you were right about Clint and Natasha

Text message from Pepper: !!! So did you?

Text message from Bucky: Yeah

Text message from Pepper: *applause*

Text message from Bucky: i hate you

Text message from Pepper: LOL. I'm just happy for you. How was it?

Text message from Bucky: Amazing. but what do i do now

Text message from Pepper: Well, the general assumption is that you will reciprocate

Text message from Bucky: I know how to have sex!!! I mean after, now that they're just hanging out and eating breakfast.

Text message from Pepper: it sounds like you should hang out and eat breakfast

Text message from Bucky: No. THEY are hanging out like everything's normal. They are talking about articles in the fucking newspaper and sharing a cup of coffee. What the fuck am I doing here?

Text message from Pepper: What's the issue?

Text message from Bucky: I don't do normal! I do angry sex and leaving right after! The last people in the world I fucking thought would be normal domestic and warm&fuzzy are Clint and Natasha!

Text message from Pepper: They seem nice

Text message from Bucky: Natasha has killed people with her pinky! In the PAST TWO DAYS!!! I wasn't supposed to have to learn normal yet!!!

Text message from Pepper: You'll be fine! Go out there and relax and have fun -- gotta go to a meeting, talk more tonight

********

Obvious TFLN is obvious sorry...

[canonisrelative.livejournal.com]

MCU, Any or ensemble, "I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences." "???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences"

Re: Obvious TFLN is obvious sorry...

[daria234.livejournal.com]

Since this prompt is similar to another one, I combined them: http://comment-fic.livejournal.com/550708.html?thread=77798708#t77798708

[classics-lover.livejournal.com]

Author's choice, any het, (514):

Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.

Fill (kinda): BtVS, Buffy + Faith(/Xander)

[foxstarreh.livejournal.com]

Okay. It's only kind of a fill. It was inspired by this prompt and then it went in such a completely different direction that I'm just going to link to it and not even post it here.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10723727/1/Another-Person

[classics-lover.livejournal.com]

The Musketeers (BBC), any/any (+ any?), (919):

He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.

[tigriswolf]

Avengers movieverse, Clint/Natasha, Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.

[tigriswolf]

Has been filled here.

[tigriswolf]

author's choice, author's choice, I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.

[tigriswolf]

Avengers movieverse, Steve/Bucky + author's choice, Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband

[tigriswolf]

any fandom with mermaids, author's choice, Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!

[tigriswolf]

author's choice, author's choice, the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.

fill, dcu

[likewinning.livejournal.com]

"Jesus Christ," Tim says. It's not what he means, but what exactly are you supposed to say when you walk in on your longtime crush doing some very x-rated things with Jason fucking Todd, of all people?

"Uh," Conner says. He has the decency to take his hand out of Jason's pants, but he's still on top of him and Tim – really needs to learn how to knock, apparently.

Tim's trying not to look at how Conner's lips are red from kissing, his hair messed up from Jason's hands, which really only leaves him the option of looking at Jason.

"Hey, baby bird," Jason says. He grins at Tim over Conner's shoulder. "Superboy here was just giving me the tour of the place."

"Right," Tim says. If he grits his teeth any harder they're going to break off.

"And a handjob," Jason adds. "Obviously."

"Right," Tim says again. He can still see – way more than he's comfortable seeing. "I'm gonna – uh – yeah."

He doesn't run. He's fought Bane for god's sake. He just gets back downstairs and to the kitchen incredibly quickly, so fast he definitely doesn't hear any of the noises coming from Conner's room.

I don't see what the big deal is, Steph answers when he texts her later – after a cold shower, after Jason's given him the intel he actually came here for and left.

You mean besides the fact that the guy I've been trying to get with since forever saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine?

one:, Steph texts. be a grown up, Timothy Drake. he saw his COCK.

b, his phone buzzes again, don't you sort of have a crush on Jason, too?

Tim sends her a line face.

I'll take that as a yes, Steph texts. so isn't that more of a happy thing than a bad thing? robin/superboy threesome.

It takes Tim a minute to answer. It's not like he hasn't considered this particular equation – in detail - but –

I wouldn't know how to begin to approach something like that.

pretend they're both dying and try to give them mouth to mouth. that always worked on me.

For the last time, Steph, I WASN'T trying to kiss you any of those times.

sure. go show Superboy your thing before I decide to get in on that, too.

Tim groans, sets his phone back down on the counter and starts to look around the kitchen for something to eat, but then his phone buzzes again. I'm not kidding. hop to it. or fly, whatever.

[jaune-chat.livejournal.com]

MCU, Steve/Darcy + Author's choice, I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.

[oh-mcgee.livejournal.com]

Glee, Brittany/Santana, This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.

[oh-mcgee.livejournal.com]

DCU, Jason Todd/Bucky Barnes, I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.

fill

[likewinning.livejournal.com]

Bucky knows there might be a problem when their random hook-ups graduate from alleys to bars to Jason's actual apartment. He hasn't been back in the world of the living for that long, but Bucky's pretty sure fucking on an actual bed spells something like commitment.

As a sort of counter-action to this, the next time Jason brings him home, he fucks Jason so hard they break the bed.

He thinks it's solved the problem, solved the way Jason looks at him a little too often less like a piece of meat and more like someone he actually wants to talk to, to be around – until he wakes up in Jason's apartment to the sun half-blinding him and what smells, almost, like pancakes.

Shit.

He seriously contemplates sneaking out the window, even though it's six stories high, but when he texts Steve about his predicament Steve says, Hey, just let him down easy. It'll be okay.

Yeah. He knew he should've texted Natasha instead.

When he gets to the kitchen, Jason is in front of the stove wearing a torn pair of jeans and no shirt. He has his headphones on, blasting some angry 80's punk rock that kind of makes Bucky want to strangle him with the cord, except Jason is kind of spaced out and banging his head to the music while he loads half-burnt pancakes onto two plates, and it's kind of –

It's kind of fucking cute. Shit.

So, how'd it go? Steve texts him later, and Bucky doesn't want to overshare by telling Steve that instead of calling it off with Jason, he ended up shoving him against the kitchen counter and blowing him while Jason tugged at his hair with sticky, maple syrup-y hands – so he just says, better luck next time.

[likewinning.livejournal.com]

MCU, Steve/any, you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.

snort

[oh-mcgee.livejournal.com]

“Jason. Jason.. What are you doing?” Steve glances around as Jason drags him behind a building and shoves him against it, kneeling on the concrete.

“Fuck, man,” Jason grins up at him. Fireworks explode overhead and Steve can see them in his eyes, bursts of red, white, and blue. “It’s the Fourth of July. You’re Captain America. I'm definitely gonna blow you. If you wanna sing the Star Spangled Banner when you come I won’t judge.”

“For christ’s sake,” Steve mutters, but then the wet heat of Jason’s mouth wraps around him and Steve shoves his fist into his mouth before he says God bless America. Jason would never let him live it down.

[oh-mcgee.livejournal.com]

Generation Kill, Brad/Ray, Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.

fill

[likewinning.livejournal.com]

saw your face in the paper. I don't remember your head being that big, Ray texts Brad. It's 2AM and he's kind of drunk, that slap-happy-about-to-turn-maudlin kind of drunk that never really ends well. He doesn't expect Brad to answer, but he knows he's got some shore leave so – maybe.

Really? Brad answers back. I didn't know they sold newspapers in that illiterate hellhole you call a hometown.

Ray grins to himself. He wants to call Brad, wants to hear his voice, deep and judging and affectionate all at once, but there's a much smaller chance of him asking Brad to come here if they keep this on paper. Cell phones, whatever.

it's all just pictures, Ray types. you know, like the Snowman.

It's a couple minutes before Brad answers. Ray kind of wants to ask what he's even doing up this late (early for him, with the time difference, but still), but that would probably involve talking about real shit – the stuff they saw in Afghanistan, in Iraq, the friends they used to have that aren't around anymore.

Then: Person, Brad texts back, Why are you talking to me about a children's book at two in the goddamn morning?

Ray laughs at his phone, feels stupid for laughing at a fucking text message, and then laughs again. i would've sent you a card instead, he says, but they don't have 'come back to America, I miss my fuck buddy' cards at hallmark.

There's an even longer pause this time. Ray's just about to pass out when his phone buzzes where he dropped it on his chest and he reads: I'll be there in two days. I expect barbeque and blowjobs.

Ray grins so hard he feels like his face might split.

[likewinning.livejournal.com]

DCU, Jason Todd/+any, Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.

[quitehopeless.livejournal.com]

A/N: Um, this got slightly cracky.

---

“You have issues.”

“Ya think?”

Dick grunted, sliding into the booth across from him. He didn't know how Jason could spent this much time drinking in here and not end up dead. Again. Someone was going to recognize him someday, and brooding over a few beers was a poor way to go out, even for a supposedly disgraced former Robin.

“You're sitting in a bar, drunker than any hero, vigilante, or villain should ever be, and you're wearing a Batman mask. I don't need to think. I can see it like a giant bulls-eye. Speaking of, is that the point of all this? You trying to get yourself killed? Because there are hundreds of better ways to go than wearing a Batman mask.”

“Yeah, sure.”

“You forget I know this from personal experience,” Dick said. He'd been Batman once. He didn't recommend it. It had it's moments, but on the whole, it was like a bad case of dress up with so many psychological issues that Dick figured his mind would break if he thought about them. He didn't think about them. It was better that way.

“I hate you, Grayson.”

“As much as I might want to take credit for it, I wasn't the one that put superglue on that mask. I also wasn't the one stupid enough to put it on.”

“Go ahead, birdbrain. Laugh it up,” Jason muttered. “I'm sure you're loving every minute of this.”

“No, but others are.”

“Don't you have somewhere else to be? City to patrol, day job to do, any of that ring a bell?” Jason picked up his bottle. “Or should I break this and give you a reason to need a mask?”

“You can try. I think you're too drunk to manage much of anything at this point.”

“Yeah. I'm just gonna sit here getting tanked in my Batman mask.”

“Come on,” Dick said. “I'll drive you home. You can still drink and keep your mask, but at least this way it won't get you killed.”

“Boy scout. Why bother saving me?”

“So I can enjoy your reaction when you come out of the hangover in the morning.”

“Bastard.”

[iceybreath.livejournal.com]

Any, any slash, I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.

took the pairing from another of your prompts

[daria234.livejournal.com]

Text message from Elliot: Fuck now we have to have sex

Text message from Molly: What?

Text message from Elliot: In a bet, need to win

Text message from Molly: I've told you not to make bets with JD and Turk

Text message from Elliot: How did u know it was them?

Text message from Molly: Please.

Text message from Elliot: Fair enough.

Text message from Molly: Like there was that time you climbed a pine tree to win a bet and then we couldn't wash the sap off you and you smelled like air freshener for two days

Text message from Elliot: That was horrible. But then JD had to get a bikini wax lol so it was. Worth. It.

Text message from Molly: And then there was the time you pantsed that bodybuilder because they bet you wouldn't.

Text message from Elliot: That half-naked dude was ANGRY.

Text message from Molly: Can't imagine why. But don't you think you're demonstrating a pattern?

Text message from Elliot: What pattern? PS I did air quotes around the word pattern but you couldn't see them.

Text message from Molly: The way you write air quotes is with actual quotes.

Text message from Elliot: I "knew" that.

Text message from Molly: :) But seriously, you have terrible judgment when someone challenges you to a bet. You should consider going cold turkey - no more bets.

Text message from Elliot: But this time to win the bet, we just have to do something we're doing anyway.

Text message from Molly: Wait, is that the reason you haven't told our friends about us? Did you figure out they would want this bet?

Text message from Elliot: Dude, when have those idiots EVER went a week without trying to use a bet or dare to get 2 women to make out?

Text message from Molly: True.

Text message from Elliot: Are you mad?

Text message from Molly: I get to have sex with my girlfriend and she gets to win a bet. Why would I be mad?

Text message from Elliot: Hearts

Text message from Molly: Hearts back.

[ivotedforsaxon.livejournal.com]

X-Men (movieverse), John/Bobby + any, I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.

mini-fill

[likewinning.livejournal.com]

--

So, Bobby texts.

So?

So John and I finally, uh. You know

Well, yeah, I do know. I did hear the fire alarm going off, Bobby. What happened, did you set the bed on fire?

…I thought your mutant power was phasing, not psychic ability.

You SET THE BED ON FIRE?!

maybe a little?

Wow, Bobby. I know this was a long time coming but that kinda takes the cake – or, well, the bedsheets.

Yeah. Totally worth it, though.

I bet. I’d be over there right now with CONGRATS ON FINALLY BANGING cookies, but I’m exhausted.

Hey, it’s the thought that counts.

Maybe I’ll just send you the cookie dough and you can get fire-boy to heat them up for you.

Wow, I hate everything about you.

Love you too, babe. Tell John he’s not the only one with superpowers and I’m not scared to light him up if he breaks your heart again!

That’s why you’re my fave :)

Yeah, I know. But I’m not sleeping with you, so shut up and go get laid again!

Will do!

[oh-mcgee.livejournal.com]

MCU, Natasha/Clint/Bucky, I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.

[daria234.livejournal.com]

Filled here: (Combined with an additional prompt)
http://comment-fic.livejournal.com/550708.html?thread=77798708#t77798708