Monday's Theme is: CRACK!

[squidgiepdx]

Hello Everyone, and welcome to the start of a new week. I'm squidgiepdx and today's theme is crack. You can take this quite literally, from a crack in pavement, or some character cracking up over something going on - or you can take it the way I am, and that's the giant whackado that is crack fandom. You know, like having Deadpool showing up in the middle of a Golden Girls episode and hitting on Sophia? Or replacing John Boy in the Waltons with Super SEAL Steve McGarrett from Hawaii Five-0? Or maybe it's turning every male character of Stargate Atlantis into drag queens. Who can say? As long as it's crack, it's whack! I mean, it works!

Just a few rules:
No more than five prompts in a row.
No more than three prompts in the same fandom.
Use the character's full names and fandom's full name for ease adding to the Lonely Prompts spreadsheet.
No spoilers in prompts for a month after airing, or use the spoiler cut option found here.
If your fill contains spoilers, warn and leave plenty of space, or use the spoiler cut.
If there are possible triggers in your story, please warn for them in the subject line!

Prompts should be formatted as follows: [Use the character's full names and fandom's full name]
Fandom, Character +/ Character, Prompt

Some examples to get the ball rolling...
+ Stargate Atlantis, Sheppard's Team, Going to a planet that worships what look like old black & white Earth TV shows
+ Hawaii Five-0, Steve McGarrett/Danny Williams, Steve moonlights as a stripper which is how he and Danny actually met before the Five-0 task force began
+ Stargate Atlantis, Evan Lorne/Any, Finding out Evan's fetish is...muppets

We use AO3 to bookmark filled prompts. If you fill a prompt and post it to AO3 please add it to the Bite Sized Bits of Fic from 2018 collection. See further notes on this new option here.

Not feeling any of today’s prompts? Check out Lonely Prompts Spreadsheet 1 (not very current), Lonely Prompts Spreadsheet 2, or the Calendar Archives, or for more recent prompts, you can use LJ's advanced search options to find prompts to request and/or fill.

While the Lonely Prompts Spreadsheets and LJ's advanced search options are available, bookmarking the links of prompts you like might work better for searching for in the future.


tag=crack

Comments

[squidgiepdx]

Stargate Atlantis, Sheppard's Team, Going to a planet that worships what look like old black & white Earth TV shows

Fill: Donna Reed Show

[nagi-schwarz.livejournal.com]

“Welcome to our planet.” The woman who greeted them at the gate was wearing a house dress, pearls, and heels straight out of the Donna Reed Show.

John was wary despite the woman’s pearly-white smile, didn’t let go of his P-90, but he smiled at her. “Thank you kindly. See, Rodney? Today is going to be a good day.”

“You just jinxed us,” Rodney snapped.

“What kind of scientist believes in jinxes?” John countered.

“Please, come this way.” The woman turned and descended down the steps, moving very gracefully on those heels, an attractive sway to her hips.

Ronon noticed too, watched closely enough that Teyla dug an elbow into his ribs.

The woman led them along the wooded path, which abruptly gave way to - suburbia. Paved streets, neatly-manicured lawns, cookie cutter houses, boys in shorts and sailor shirts and girls in little dresses playing with yoyos, hula hoops, gray wagons, and balls, jacks and jump ropes - three girls were doing an impressive round of double-dutch - and baseball.

“What the hell?” John asked.

“Huh,” Rodney said. “Looks like something out of the Donna Reed Show.”

“That’s just what I thought,” John said, and tightened his grip on his P-90. He was distinctly unsettled.

The woman led them down the sidewalk. John was even more unsettled when all of the children looked up and smiled at them, waved. They greeted the woman as Mrs. Reed, greeted John and his team as Kind Strangers.

“Everyone here is very kind,” Teyla said.

It took John a moment, but he realized - everything was in black and white and shades of gray.

Mrs. Reed - if that was even her name - led them to her house. When they stepped inside, it smelled divine, like cooking chicken.

“If you would like, I have some fresh lemonade and homemade donuts.”

“Donuts sound amazing,” John said, before Rodney could launch into a protest about lemonade, “though water would be just fine.”

“We rarely have visitors through the gate, especially ones so - colorful.” Mrs. Reed flicked an assessing gaze over Ronon, Teyla, and Rodney as she plated up four donuts. “But new people are always welcome to stay, so long as they conform.”

“Conform?” John asked.

“To our way of life.”

“Your way of life?” Rodney echoed.

Mrs. Reed smiled. “The way of the Reeds.”

Okay, so maybe Mrs. Reed wasn’t a name so much as a title.

“Please, tell us more,” Teyla said, after a glance at John.

Mrs. Reed did them one better - she showed them.

In a back room of her picture-perfect house, she had an Ancient-looking device that was some kind of hologram projector.

And it projected episodes of the Donna Reed Show.

Ronon said, “That’s from the box, right?”

John dragged Rodney aside. “How the hell do they have Donna Reed in the Pegasus Galaxy?”

“Well,” Rodney began, then shook his head. “No. That’s impossible.”

“What’s impossible?”

“There was a fringe group in the seventies who wanted to make contact with aliens, and they started broadcasting information into wide open space. Music, TV shows -”

“Like the Donna Reed Show?”

“Maybe,” Rodney hedged.

John took a deep breath. “I don’t want to get stuck here and end up Mr. Reed -”

“Who says you’d end up Mr. Reed? She might choose me,” Rodney said.

John fixed him with a look. “Not the point. Let’s finish our donuts, say goodbye, and move on out of here.”

“What about that projector? That’s useful Ancient tech. And it could provide a useful way to communicate with Earth,” Rodney said.

John sighed. “Fine. We - we’ll get Lorne on it.”

As it turned out, Lorne looked extremely dapper in a suit and a bowtie, and he even called people Sport.

Mrs. Reed loved him.

A little too much.

Rodney loved the spare projector they got from her, though.

He loved it a lot less when they arrived on a planet populated by teenage mutant ninja turtles.

[squidgiepdx]

Hawaii Five-0, Steve McGarrett/Danny Williams, Steve moonlights as a stripper which is how he and Danny actually met before the Five-0 task force began

Not a fill

[classics-lover.livejournal.com]

That icon is perfect! XD

[squidgiepdx]

Stargate Atlantis, Evan Lorne/Any, Finding out Evan's fetish is...muppets

[squidgiepdx]

Hawaii Five-0/Deadpool, Steve McGarrett/Danny Williams + Team, Deadpool tries to sleep with each and every member of the team

[squidgiepdx]

Marvel Cinematic Universe, Any /or+ Any, Watching Tony Stark and Steve Rogers argue over which one should have their own Mini-Me

[brumeier.livejournal.com]

Stargate Atlantis/Guardians of the Galaxy, John Sheppard + Peter Quill (Starlord), increasingly reckless pilot dares

[brumeier.livejournal.com]

Star Trek (AOS)/Guardians of the Galaxy, James Kirk + Peter Quill (Starlord), competing for the title of Poorest Decision Maker

[brumeier.livejournal.com]

Stargate Atlantis, Evan Lorne/Any, kissing gives him orgasms

Fill 1/2 (sooooo NSFW)

[nagi-schwarz.livejournal.com]

Atlantis was the SGC’s penal colony. People with black marks - like John - and people the SGC didn’t like - like Rodney - had ended up there at the outset. When it looked like the expedition was a one-way trip, John, Rodney, Elizabeth, Beckett, and Heightmeyer made an executive decision: some rules could go out the window. Like DADT.
As it turned out, Atlantis was also a haven for the Friends of Dorothy, the ones looking to escape the close scrutiny of the SGC. Markham and Stackhouse. Bates and pretty much anyone.

Rodney and John.

And then Earth reestablished contact with the SGC, and Atlantis’s senior command had to make a choice. Which rules should they reinstate? Earth was watching.

Except Earth was still using Atlantis as its penal colony, for the disliked - Cadman, too perky and girlish for the Marines - and the ones with black marks - Lorne, for having mightily disregarded science protocol one time and getting one of his men killed.

So senior command decided - what the hell. Atlantis was theirs. If Earth wanted to stop heroic men and women from constant battle with space vampires and nuclear-capable fake-Amish because of who they liked to fuck, well, they were crazy.

Given that everyone knew that O’Neill and Jackson had been doing it since about day one (and Jackson took regular trips to DC for booty calls), the SGC was pretty laissez-faire about a lot of rules, especially with all the homosexual and polyamorous weddings that went down on alien planets in the name of diplomacy and trading. Add to that the increasingly international nature of the whole Stargate venture, and so long as people were doing their jobs, the SGC and IOA were willing to overlook a whole lot.

Of course, Atlantis had been its own entity for a year, cut off from Earth, was a little bit Lord of the Flies for the new personnel who shipped over on the Daedalus. The trick was to ease them into the Atlantis way of things.

Cadman didn’t ease in. She dove right in, tapped Beckett her first week on base and Zelenka the second and gave pretty much every scientist who caught her eye a fair shake. A lot of the other Marines followed her example, and Heightmeyer was pleased at the new personnel were integrating so well.

(How Caldwell remained oblivious, no one knew, and no one wanted to find out.)

John had privately thought it utterly insane that the initial chain of command for Atlantis as established by the SGC had been a full bird O-6, John and O-4 but removed from the chain of command, and then Ford, an O-2. So he was pleased when he made O-5 and the SGC gave him Lorne as an O-4, plus a slew of other O-3s and O-2s and O-1s to round things out, plus some NCOs to keep the Marines in line. And Lorne was a model O-4, always on top of his paperwork, keeping supply lines running smoothly, even taking some of the paperwork burden off of John.

John liked him. He had great deadpan, could stop Rodney in his tracks sometimes when he was on a real screed.

Lorne was boring as hell, though. Never went drinking with the other officers. Never joined in with the communal trips to the giant hot tubs that had been discovered on one of the lower levels. Never even sat down for a good round of team-building with Spin the Bottle or Truth or Dare. He smiled politely, called John sir, and retreated to his quarters alone at the end of his shift.

He was an artist, his teammates reported. He drew a lot.

“Maybe he’s ace,” Cadman suggested one night during O-club strip poker.

“You think?” Toriel asked.

“We could just ask him,” Dorsey said. “He’s never seemed prudish or anything, like when I invited him to that gang-bang with Charlie Company Fire Team Twelve. Just said ‘no thanks’ and moved along.”

Negley wriggled out of her bra. “True. I mean, if he’s ace, no big deal. We’re all open about stuff.”

“Who’s gonna ask him?” Crown was eyeing his hand of cards with a worryingly blank expression.

“You should,” Toriel said to John.

“No, I don’t want to pressure him.”

[brumeier.livejournal.com]

Hawaii Five-0, Steve McGarrett/Danny Williams, a Kahuna's curse turns both of them into animals...but not at the same time

Fill:

[thesmallhobbit.livejournal.com]

“I’m not sure what that Kahuna thought he would achieve by cursing us, but you’d think he could have been a bit more friendly, wouldn’t you, Steve?” When McGarrett failed to reply to his question Danny turned to look for him. “Steve? Steve!”

Hearing a noise at his feet, Danny looked down. “Oh no,” he said. “This is some kind of joke. Steve, you can come out now.” The only response came from the seal, which made a guttural noise. “You’re not telling me you’re a seal, are you?”

The seal nodded its head.

“So what am I supposed to do now?” Danny asked. “Sit on the beach until you change back?”

The seal wriggled slightly, which Danny felt could have been described as shrugging its shoulders.

There wasn’t much alternative to remaining on the beach. Danny considered driving them back to the condo, but he wasn’t convinced he could lift the seven foot seal into the back of a pickup. Nevertheless he suggested it, but the mournful way the seal looked at him with its big brown eyes convinced him not to try it.

In the end, he settled on the sand, the seal lying contentedly by his side. With nothing else to do, Danny started to doze, and then fell asleep.

When he woke he was delighted to see Steve McGarrett back in his usual form. The problem came when Steve started to stride down the beach calling for him, and Danny had to propel himself across the sand using his flippers.

[brumeier.livejournal.com]

Marvel Cinematic Universe, Avengers ensemble, cracking each other up

[cozy-coffee.livejournal.com]

Any, any human, they get turned into a kitten

Fill: Sherlock (BBC), Sherlock Holmes

[thesmallhobbit.livejournal.com]

“Aw, isn’t he sweet!” Mrs Hudson said.

“He is rather,” John Watson agreed. The tiny kitten spat at him, but John just rubbed its head, ignoring the look of contempt in the bright green eyes. “I’ve sent Mycroft a text to let him know.”

There was a ping on John’s phone, and he read the reply to his message (‘Sherlock turned into a kitten), which said, ‘Excellent. Have instructed Anthea to purchase tins of tuna and a litter tray.’ John showed the text to the kitten, which pointedly turned its back and started to have a wash.

“How long do you think he’ll stay like that?” Mrs Hudson asked.

“I don’t know, but I’m going to make good use of the time while he does.”

John continued to stroke the kitten, which tried to object, but finally gave up and purred.

[geckogirl89.livejournal.com]

Hawaii Five-0, Steve McGarrett/Danny Williams, A spell is cast that makes Steve more sensitive and open with his feelings (à la Angel in "Sense and Sensitivity")

[geckogirl89.livejournal.com]

Angel the series, ensemble, Everyone has some of the pot brownies Fred made for herself and shenanigans ensue

[geckogirl89.livejournal.com]

Friends, Phoebe Buffay, Phoebe is a secret time traveler (https://poplurker.com/2018/03/27/phoebe-buffay-from-friends-is-a-time-traveler/)

The link has details of how this could fit into canon.

[geckogirl89.livejournal.com]

Frasier/any sci-fi or supernatural fandom, Frasier Crane + others, People call into Frasier's show with bizarre supernatural problems he has no idea how to handle

[geckogirl89.livejournal.com]

Any, any/any, a matchmaking pet conspires to get their owner together with another character

Fill (Marvel, Lucky + Clint/Coulson)

[reeby10.livejournal.com]

Lucky had been watching the other inhabitants of the apartment building. There wasn't a whole lot else to do beside chew on Clint's shows during the day, so he did a lot of wandering and watching. As a bonus, it came with lots of petting and treats.

But all the watching had led him to a conclusion: Clint needed a person.

There were Kate and Barney, but they were different, Lucky could smell it. Clint needed a special kind of person. Like Mrs. Mendez and Mr. Mendez on the third floor. Or Shelly on the second floor and Karen on the fifth floor. Lucky just had to figure out who Clint’s person like that was.

For weeks, Lucky made sure to stick around Clint whenever he was with someone, sniffing carefully. It was interesting, but none of them were Clint’s person, Lucky was sure of that. It would take more investigation.

Then one day, Coulson came by the apartment to give something to Clint. It wasn’t the first time he’d been there by far, but he hadn’t visited in awhile. As soon as Clint opened the door and Coulson stepped inside, Lucky could smell it. Coulson was Clint’s person.

Lucky stuck close as Coulson and Clint talked, ignoring the way Clint tried to push him away when he got underfoot. He needed to figure out how to make Clint realize that Coulson was his person. And then he had an idea.

As Clint stood up from the table, Lucky positioned himself just right, and Clint tripped over him, falling right into Coulson’s lap.

Lucky watched for a few moments, but he knew he’d done exactly the right thing when Coulson didn’t let Clint get up from his new seat. With a self satisfied whuff, Lucky let himself out of the apartment. He’d come check on them later.

[cyanidesympathy.livejournal.com]

The Office, canon relationships, Business School. Actual vampire Jim Halpert.

[purplemoon3.livejournal.com]

MCU, Hela+Avengers, Thanos attacks while Hela is still trying to get Asgard on board. "I am not the Queen you expected. I am not the Queen you want. But, darlings, I'm the Queen you NEED."

[emmatheslayer.livejournal.com]

Riverdale, sweetpea /fangs, everyone's thinks we're together anyway 4th wall breaking

[emmatheslayer.livejournal.com]

Community, Annie Edison /Jeff winger, body switching

[emmatheslayer.livejournal.com]

One direction rpf, Marcel /Veronica, roles are reversed

[emmatheslayer.livejournal.com]

Shadowhunters, Simon Lewis /Raphael, after a long night of fighting with each other they kiss and it gets awkward

[emmatheslayer.livejournal.com]

Call me by your name rpf, armie hammer /timotheè chalamet, they are different animals and it's forbidden love at the zoo